Post Christmas Ponderings

It's really dark outside at 5:30 am and even my occasional bird friend seems to be sleeping in. My intention had been to sleep in myself but clearly my aging body is not requiring as much sleep as I'd imagined it needed.

Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, brother Brian's birthday(oops forgot to send a card),all sailed by and all that is left are a few pine needles on my living room floor. Yesterday my dear children all drove off, carrying Isabel and Ava back to their Southern home, so I refocused my sadness into clutter clearing mode.



As an aside, I used to clear brush and make huge piles to burn and as soon as a child went off to college I would burn to smithereens the pile I had created , expending all of my inner angst and energy. Perhaps tree-ridding is safer?


Out went the tree(my sleeping friends will soon appreciate their new hiding place from Apryl the cat and the inevitable snowstorm),back to boxes went the ornaments, copied to computer were the Christmas Cd's I can't bear to pack away...sadness magically turned to utter exhaustion and a good night's sleep for me.


I find I cannot pack away my thoughts as easily nor as quickly as I can pack away the Christmas season. There are boxes for ornaments but where do I put my thoughts?

Reflections on my favorite moments during our traditional family Christmas Eve gathering are tumbling around my head like rocks turning into shiny gems in a jewelry tumbler. I loved watching Andy and Rachel competing lovingly in the kitchen, challenging each other and using culinary skills that are partly learned, partially inherited, mostly acquired through annual usage. Esfirra, croquettes, pao de quejo, why even Becca jumped into the chefs line-up this year producing her very first entry into the mix!



The thundering (and I do mean thundering, not pitter pattering as some would romanticize)feet throughout the house, the squealing and scrambling and jumping and laughter and tears too, all made for moments that I can pull out and think about mid-January when the winds blow cold and the heart forgets the warmth of family. When the cousins are together there is so much ENERGY. Oh I love that energy!! how it makes me return to the former days, the mental images flashing back from when their parents were young, when Santa was Me, and then even further to when I awaited the arrival of my very own beloved grandpa and grandma Garcia, whose arrival signaled that we could open OUR stockings....


With me, the matriarch, our Christmas family gathering included 13 adults , 10 children under the age of 7, another waiting in the womb, a cat, 2 dogs who think they are people, 2 more family dogs visiting the Ami and Poppie in the South and a goldfish that won't give up. I am a blessed woman and not so ignorant as to not thank God daily for this blessing of Family.







We Ribeiros used to be smaller and younger and less verbal and more similar in our thoughts and ideas, especially political and religious. Our family picture included a Patriarch, a church, a well thought out set of rules and boundaries. Life was simply and completely fine, thank you very much. My goodness, how things have changed! Just as I write that thought a Bible verse I have memorized years and years ago flashes into my mind! I cannot stop it any more than I can stop time from marching on.

In the book of Ecclesiastes we are told, "Do not say, why were the old days better than these? For it is not wise to ask such questions...when times are good, be happy, but when times are bad, consider, God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore a man cannot discover anything about his future."

So for today, I am going to sit quietly, watch the sun rise over the house behind mine first, then come up so I can see it.


I will have another cup of delicious morning coffee, reflect on my utterly quiet house, void of noise and naughtiness, refilled with silence and solitude. Scribblings done for the moment , replaced with praise for the One who has allowed me this delightful life, not empty of troubles or trauma, but full of Goodness and Grace , because God became a man and understands me and loves me anyway. I am thankful for Christmas and all of it's memories.

Sensible Decorating

The weather outside is nothing but dreary,cold,and damp.Inside, in an attempt to keep electricity and gas bills low I am sitting here freezing. It is set at 62* on my thermostat but using an old furnace and having drafty windows, my body feels colder than that. I added on a fleece and am warming up some, but soon I need to change from iced tea as my beverage to a cup of coffee.

Yesterday I was all set to blog about my happy day. The reason I wanted to write was so obvious that I had an impulse to share the good news. I reached contentment, a rare, yet coveted place for me, and wanted to share how it happened. You can see how far that impulse carried me.

Yesterday was my annual self-proclaimed and continuing tradition of Christmas set up the Saturday after Thanksgiving.This tradition used to contain the fun of gathering the 7 kids in the car, putting a pot of chili on the stove and heading out to cut down our Christmas Tree at a local farm or woods. That was then , this is now, as they say.

My Christmas boxes were stacked in the kitchen and Joshua kindly helped with that task, so he sort of participated, but basically I was on my own. Quite a difference from 9 people and a pot,[I am speaking here of the chili] yet I was not to be deterred, the music went on and the candles were lit. Having talked to my mom early in the day made me decide a pot of soup was a necessity so on went the soup. It was leftover 'everything but the kitchen sink' soup, my specialty. Mom and I often talk of food, well, admittedly we have never had a conversation that didn't include food, so the challenge was on. Would I prepare an edible, delectable soup or would it be a disaster?

Back to the five senses and my contentment factor. The house smelled of garlic and onion, sage and thyme, the candles adding a blend of pine scents to the mix. The flickering lights around my windows made me feel again that perhaps Christmas would be exciting this year. I had been doubting the possibility because of a sluggish emotional time typical of the holidays and my alone factor. My CD player continued pouring out the sounds of Christmas, carols mixed with ballads, classical pieces mixed with Amy Grant and her vocals. Occasionally I picked up an ornament reminiscent of days gone by, and the feel of the textures against my skin brought back memories - happy moments set in time. Soon it was time to taste my soup, that salty hot broth that at one time had been stuff in the refrigerator, somehow evolved and simmered into a deliciously flavorful Saturday Soup!

Had I happened onto something here? All of my senses involved in my Christmas tradition seemed to be causing an unexpected response from within my weary spirit! I was so content! I was so thankful that Jesus was indeed the reason for the season, no matter what the stores tried to steal away with their crazy tunes and ridiculous gimmicks.

Then I remembered another very small , seemingly insignificant event from many,many years ago. It was around Christmas and perhaps in 1990 or thereabouts. Daughter Becca was beginning her Hope Chest, an old tradition of gathering together a box filled with Hopes for a future life filled with a husband and babies someday. Grandma had one and spoke of it lovingly, so Becca wanted one too. She and I were shopping in Sears and horror of horrors their Winnie the Pooh blanket sleepers were being DISCONTINUED! "How can this be?" she cried! "I need one when I have babies!".
So, as any doting mother would do, I secretly purchased a bright yellow sleeper and gave it to her that Christmas for her Hope Chest. I remember asking God, my Heavenly Father, to please give this sweet baby of mine,her own babies someday, especially since her medical condition probably did not include such an event happening.

Imagine my complete and utter surprise, true astonishment, when last week Becca called and said she was sending me an email picture to see. "Hey Mom!" "Remember that sleeper you bought me for my Hope Chest?" Well no, frankly, I did not. "I'm sending a picture of someone in it".





Indeed, years ago, a plethora of Christmas decorations going up and coming down and stored away, a baby had been planned. Evelyn was unknown to her mother, father or even adoring grandparents, but already known by a Heavenly Father whose life we celebrated, very inadequately and quite purposefully at Christmas time each year. Jesus Christ, son of God, Father of all creation, You are the reason for my contentment and the senses you gave me to decorate with each year are thankfully accompanied by Common Sense to worship YOU.

Oh Give THANKS to the Lord!!

Call upon His Name;
Make known HIS deeds among the peoples!
Sing to Him, sing Psalms to Him;
Talk of all His wondrous works!
Glory in His Holy Name;
Let the hearts of those rejoice who seek the Lord!
Seek the Lord and His strength;
Seek His face evermore!
Remember His marvelous works which He has done....

Psalm 105 goes on to list by name many of the marvelous works of God in the world's continuing history.

What a great place to begin early this Thanksgiving Day 2008 in my own personal History with God, Who is leading and dispensing as He desires: lovingly, wisely,
judiciously.

This year I am thanking Him for my health and my job, my home and my family, my life falling into an orderliness that I could not have imagined a few short years ago. I am thanking Him for friends who come and even those who go, for family , which for the moment has stayed the same in number. I thank Him for the many things that did NOT happen, something I am more and more aware of as the days go by and others deal with tragedy and troubles. I am certain to experience more heartaches and uncertainties, for we live in a world full of both, but for this moment in time, I am content to be mid-trial.

Together with the Psalmist, I seek His face. How that plays out has become more and more mysterious as the years go by. I seek His counsel, jumping eagerly into His Words already provided. I hesitate more, head into a problem more slowly, am unsure of all the answers, when at one time I knew them all. How can that be?

My heart rejoices, even as there are things that stop me in my tracks. This last week alone there were 2 days out of 7 spent in the hospital tending to the business of grand mothering, praying for, and waiting as my sugar pea Jesse had one event after another enter his little 5 year old world. Rejoice? Yes! because I KNOW God has it all lovingly handled and I can rest in that , while circumstances around me swirl and churn about, seemingly without reason or end.

More and more I must talk of all HIS wondrous works!! There are so many, so detailed and plentiful I feel badly that some of them are not shared with even random strangers. Like the other day at the grocery store when I went in for a few things having a little money, and came out with no money but ALOT of things!! The sales and bargains fairly leaped into my cart! Thank you Lord!!

One of my sons lost his job last week, and I was delighted to hear, when I asked my daughter how they felt, her calm response. "Well, " said she, "it certainly was a surprise, but God has a plan and we know that, so everything will work out, I'm sure." This from a woman with 5 children under the age of 7 years, a woman who is not living in a Pollyanna world, but rather in one where she has seen, known and felt the loving protective arms of her Heavenly Father God surround her in prior times of trouble. Oh yes!I rejoice in that truth and the knowledge that my children also know that Truth.

The Psalmist also mentions singing to God. Now I will go and enjoy the quiet home , dog and cat asleep, two adult sons safe downstairs, sunshine peeking through the barren tree greeting the morning, and sing to the Lord. I love Him so, and sometimes in the rush of life I even forget to say those words to Him. I love You Lord. Thank you.