'Tis the season' and more reasons ~2013

Christmas Tidings of Great Joy!
2013, December

Today, after church services, it was snowing!! and is the first snowfall of the winter of 2013 and I am pretty sure not the last. ( although last winter had a pretty poor showing in the snowy mix category.) 

 Speaking of last Christmas, let's just get all pleasantries out of the way and say that God is amazing. I am not referring only to His gift of Jesus Christ to be born, live among men, then die and return to heaven...just for us to have our sins atoned for. Nope, I am also referring to His work in my own personal life on an intimate, personal level.

 My life has been rather 'out there' for all of my friends and family to know-no secrets or ghosts in my closet-just a bunch of outdated clothes and old fashioned things to discard.( a work in progress ) 

After praying almost daily for my former beloved husband's return and restoration to the family, I was able to see God work in a way that was surprisingly simple, last Christmas.

 As I drove to Charleston, SC to spend last Christmas holidays with Paul, Allison, Isabel , Ava and Luke, David flew into Philadelphia, by way of Charleston and New Mexico, and reappeared on the horizon. I have not seen or spoken to him, but I prayed fervently and often for the children to be restored to their father in some way, and that has been happening. Nothing takes away bitterness or anger better than loving someone enough to pray for their life to be blessed and a blessing.

 Should you be a praying person, believing as I do that God does all things well and redeems the broken places in His own way and time, thank Him with me and pray as I do , that God Himself would be glorified in this family still.

Interestingly, (to me anyway), in today's message at church , a statement made, simple yet profound.

“Man cannot reach out and be good enough for God, God must reach out to us. This is the Advent season - God reaching out to us to come to Him..” 

Do you feel relieved hearing that? Those nasty thoughts , deeds, conversations, lost tempers, cruel remarks...do not change that God loves me. He loves me. He answers my heart cries, silent yearnings, quiet longings. Ah, thanks be to God. I love the Christ of Christmas.

If you want to know, this is what a lizard says.

The children are grown, the year has been quiet , without extraordinary and filled with ordinary. I love the ordinary blessings of Skype letting me see my Theodore grow , fulfilling the prayers of His people for life and health and normalcy. Rachel is currently in a play, returning to her passion for acting, and playing with Theodore too, as Aric and she enjoy the West way too much to want to return East. As any normal mother of far away children....I am praying. (wink, wink)

 The ordinary occurrence of my sister Paula, in remission from cancer(not so ordinary but rather a gift from God) and spending a week together in Ocean City NJ in the Spring. This was one of my unexpected  fun times, even though it snowed at the Beach!

 

 

I am ever so thankful that another ordinary , extraordinary joy was driving to Charleston SC to share firstborn Paul's 40^th birthday -together eating in a less than extraordinary Brazilian restaurant and seeing my 3 sweet Southern grandbabies twice in one year!

 Isabel, Ava, and Luke, swimming in the ocean in October and learning to ride a 2 wheeler! Such normal every day fun to share in.

  It was also an ordinary week if it included phone calls and drop in visits from Julie , Adam and Ethan who live only a mile away. Ethan's family found quite a cute Puggle named Watson to love this year, and it looks like their cuddly Thomas the bunny now has a brother. 

Adam and Julie both work in the financial fields, so my future should be secure (another wink, wink).

 Margie , Joel and their 5 children [Eliot is 12!, Simon, Jesse, Nora and Bianca] had an ordinary year until July when they sold their home and moved within about the same number of weeks that it was blocks from their old place in Kennett Square, PA.! Seeing God work out those details was another gift of personal blessing amongst seemingly random circumstances. God loves my children, and I thank Him. Their home is often the one we gravitate to for family gatherings, and I thank God for Margie's gift of hostessing with calm.

 The Becca and Steve family of four are thriving, even as they utilize the skills God gifted them with in transforming their very old home to a home that will someday need to be featured in a Renovator's Magazine – poor Martha Stewart has met her match. Aidan and Evelyn cannot possibly be in school all day, it was merely the blink of an eye ago when they were born! Steve graduated from taking some pretty tough courses in school while he pounded nails and cleaned out the pool we all swam in this summer- I am thanking God for giving Steve perseverance, and Steve just wants a buck this week hunting! :-)

 We loved the pool at the Lacock's home! and many excuses to visit when the weather was HOT, found us gathering there.

 Joshua, my crazy 'NJ Devils or die' hockey fan, with a side love of all thing shark related, is enjoying a solid career at UPS, and will not take responsibility for your late Christmas packages! He lives in Philly in a neighborhood he won't let me visit because of the gang activity- you imagine for yourself how this mom prays!

And then there is Andrew who is a quarter of a century in age ,with life experiences worth at least double that. Praying for him to secure a job has been one of those requests I need to trust God with, all the while hoping it takes shorter time than those 12 years I prayed for David. :-) Andy will always be my baby but his beautiful CAM , pit bull baby , may drive me crazy with his large presence. 

I know that as my kids grow and change and develop their own lives and families, I am no longer an integral part of the process. In my head I am fully aware of the need to back away and let God and them work out 'stuff'. But seriously, I wish there was a pill to take that gave that an easy slide down to my heart strings. It pains me to watch, and pushes my faith to the limits of where I think God wants me walking. I am not, nor ever was, a risk taker. Watching the Amazing Race on television truly terrifies me-especially some of those bungee jumps! How can I compete in this Amazing Race of life after my children have grown up and need me no more? My job helps and is a constant blessing; my friends are all fumbling toward the finish line with me, and yet, somehow, we are strengthened by each other. When a friend says “I get it” there is more comfort than I ever imagined.

   

There is no way I could tell you in this annual letter just how blessed I am . I know what grace is because I am given it day by day, minute by minute. I have NO doubt that next year this letter may include extraordinary drama and pain again, for that is why we need a Savior. I am, however , preparing myself now for those days by encouraging YOU in these better ones. 

Stay tuned, and have a very Merry Christmas, because Jesus loves you, this I KNOW.

Where Did Thanksgiving Go?

Recently a young friend of mine posted a blog on another young mom's Facebook page about Thanksgiving. I was curious , so read it. The discussion at hand was the need for table decorations on the Thanksgiving tables, by using sarcasm, witty comments, crude remarks and pictures. Admittedly, my bias toward the article is showing. Nary a word of God's Bounty was stuck in, even between the lines.

Black Friday is also about to become a thing of the past- the opening of stores for shoppers on the Friday after Thanksgiving for the Christmas spending spree that all retailers are hoping will happen. This year there has been an upsurge of stores opening ON Thanksgiving Day so that shoppers can eat, cram their faces with food, and head for the stores to beat the rush. I fear heart attacks may occur since that amount of food cannot possible digest properly before the adrenalin rush of bargain hunting begins.

In a related event, I have been trying to figure out what the holidays are actually supposed to look like from my perspective. I am an older woman who has no extra money available for food purchasing, has several children all engaged in their own family dynamics and growth, and whose dining room became a reading room after the 6th child left home. Seventh child remains bolted into the basement here, with his large dog, but that might be a conversation for another holiday, not including the word Thanks in its name.

My fondest memories of earlier times and Thanksgivings with my family of origin include specific foods more than table decorations, as well as times for turkey basting carefully regulated to match the return of deer hunters from the forest. My dad had scoped out where the deer would most likely be on his way to work every morning for weeks ahead of this event, and off he went each Thanksgiving morning, one of his only days off from work at his job. We knew he would hunt until he shot a buck, or be back around 4:00 pm when darkness crept into the daylight hours.

Smells of turkey and stuffing , carelessly filling the center cavity of the bird filled the entire house. Carelessly is not a misprint either- apparently my mom and grandmother and generations before them had no knowledge of the dangers of placing the stuffing inside the Bird for Thanksgiving flavors to blend. Chopping those onions, celery and bread cubes took up most of the morning, and the word Stovetop meant something entirely different than it does today.

When mom wanted to get 'fancy' I recall a cranberry relish she would make, chopping up oranges and nuts and cooking fresh cranberries to just the right texture as she waited for the meal to come together perfectly. Green bean casserole, of course, but always accompanied by pearl onions in a cream sauce or baby sliced carrots in a buttery glaze. Mashed potatoes, not from a box but from a huge paper bag of potatoes, stored in the basement for keeping in a dark spot so the eyes did not grow on them, were only whipped with the hand beater just before serving.  Gravy? Who made gravy like my grandma and mom? I think I may have it down pretty good now, but it took years for me to even dare try, and that was in rebellion of pouring it from a glass jar.

Mom's legacy of baking several pies is one I hope will continue, although it isn't looking like I inherited that particular gene. Sister Janet bakes a pie every week, and I am insanely jealous when I hear the sisters have gone and had pie and coffee on a Sunday afternoon with mom in Tennessee! I remember pumpkin, mincemeat and apple with a slice of cheddar cheese next to it.

I started this scribbling selection this morning before work, and now my steam is gone. I even forget what I was going to rant about, and I am sure this is a good thing! However, I do want to rant about God's love for me.

My budget is something that is not cool to talk about in most circles, and yet it is what it is. I work as much as I can on a job provided by God at a job I love and am well suited to. I pay most bills on time and have little left for silliness, but that too is fine. The upcoming holidays ahead can be stressful, even the simplest thing like buying extra food causes stress, let alone gifts for those precious grands I adore!

This morning I was in a mood, checked the books and had no food money. It's ok because I do have refried beans to last a lifetime(they were on sale and nobody doesn't hoard sale beans), and tortillas are cheap, albeit not that tasty. I just talked to God quite honestly and told Him I was not that happy with the current situation but would attempt a thankful heart at Thanksgiving because He knew if anyone did, how MUCH He had given me. I had my doubts as to attitude, however, and so I came home and opened the mail.

First an envelope from a collection agency saying my $42. was overdue so they would cancel my card. I am disputing this unknown bill Monday morning. Really? An overdue notice on the day I was already down? That was NOT the happiest piece of proof of God's love for me.

Then a Thanksgiving card from my sister, and a Food Lion gift card enclosed for $100. fell out. I wept. She is not any wealthier than I, she knew NOTHING of my struggle, and God used her generosity to prove, once again, that He loves me deeply. Seriously, it is not because of the turkey and all the trimmings I will buy tomorrow with great joy, but because He cared for me that I weep. He cared and He showed me He cared. He always cares, He loves me so well.

Thanksgiving cannot be taken from me. I refuse to stop thanking the One Who gives it all away, even His own Son(Christmas is coming!!) so that we can live abundantly, bountifully, joyfully, and have stuffing and mashed potatoes-two starches! in the same meal. :-) Oh, and my table decorations?  Here it is:

Eat your heart out Pottery barn.

June 22: simply Thankful for Teddy

Last year, I can readily now admit to anyone who asks, there was a day that held such intense emotions within a 24 hour period that I was sure the human heart could not continue beating from the intensity. Fourth daughter, in labor and me en route to the grand event , second sister selling her home and beginning a new life phase, all of us dining in a very fancy Italian restaurant to celebrate. Excitement, everywhere.

The phone call came when we were least expecting it. I recall the waiter asking politely for our drink orders, me excusing myself to take the phone call that would herald the birth of my 12th grandchild,great-grandmother(my mom) barely able to contain her delight. The voice on the other end threw me off, not my daughter, but her friend, explaining that I needed to get on an airplane and come immediately. So I did.

Such a simple sentence to write, that last one. So I did. I smile writing it, amused that on the surface it is so benign, free of emotion and importance, three words on a piece of paper (except I do not think typing into a computer makes anyone able to even use that phrase anymore).

So I did. I am terrified of flying , as some would recall. I am a strict planner, always near my datebook, and definitely one who knows what her days will hold ahead of the arrival of those days.

Within 3 hours I was on an airplane, flying in terror for what would lie ahead, and definitely what would lie beneath if this airplane didn't stay in the air. So, as any frequently fearful flyer knows, I distracted myself with prayer and journaling.

The entry from my journal reads in part:
My grandson, Lord God, was born today.
 Please Father God, save his little brain, save his little body and his little lungs and his little heart and his little hands and his little feet and his little toes and his little internal organs and most importantly, Lord...his little soul.
If this sounds like begging, you would have correctly analyzed the situation from my heart's perspective. It felt necessary to beg for something so important.        So I did.

At his point in the journey of my body and soul, I recall the pilot interrupting my prayer(the official term used when one begs God for mercy and grace in the 35,000 feet off the ground range) and announcing that we were  at a 'comfortable cruising altitude'.  OH Really???!!!??

This thought occurring to me as I am writing, isn't that how we usually lead our lives? Day to day, bopping along, expecting breathing to happen, friends to smile when they pass , family to be there where we think they should be, airplanes to stay above ground, babies to arrive safely after labor, grandmothers to live another day, pets to annoyingly meow when we wake in the morning. Yup. Comfortably cruising through life, that's us.

Then we hit a bump. Bumps aren't bad if we are walking, but if we are cruising 35,000 feet above ground? a little more dicey. Baby born and maybe not going to live? Dicey stuff for the comfortable cruising mentality.

There in the air, 35,000 feet above the earth, terrified, I made a renewed decision within my heart. God and I have had these conversations before...believe you me. We go way back. However it seems that I get comfortable cruising through my life fairly often and we have to have another heart to heart. I decided it was a package deal between God and me. I would trust Him for the airplane ride, because I already trusted Him for my soul in eternity, and I clearly trusted Him for the providence that even got me ON the airplane within 6 hours of Teddy's birth. I already trusted Him for the care and keeping of my 7 children, their spouses and those 11 other grandchildren He was lending me to love, so why not trust Him for the rest? So I did.

I read Psalm 139.
Where can I go from your Spirit? or where can I flee from Your presence? I ascend into heaven , You are there. If I make my bed in hell, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your Hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me. if I say; surely the darkness will fall upon me' even the night will be light around me. Indeed the darkness will not hide me from You, the the night shines as the day, the darkness and the light are both alike to you.

Keep reading, said God. So I did.

For You formed Theodore's inward parts, You covered him in Rachel's womb. I will praise You, for he is fearfully and wonderfully made! Marvelous are Your works, and that , my Grammy's soul KNOWS full well. His frame is not now, or ever will be hidden from You, when he was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw his substance being yet unformed and unborn...and in Your book, Oh God, they were all written, the days fashioned for him, when as yet, there were none of them.

Search me, this Grammy of Theodore, Oh GOD, and know my fearful heart(you already do) Try me.again. and know my anxieties, see of there is a wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

So He did.

Thank you God, with equal intensity as I begged last year, perhaps more. Thank you that on June 26 his little fingers curled around mine and cemented my love for him firmly and forever. Thank You God for Teddy. Happy Birthday never felt so good to say.