Home for Sale!

My home at 1202 Fairview Avenue, Wilmington, Delaware 19809 is on the market to be sold.

It is NOT a House, as the Realtors would have you believe, as they try to have you empty it out for selling to a potential buyer.
"Remove personal effects" they say. " De-personalize the feel so others can envision themselves in your house", is the way they try to convince you to pack up your memories into cardboard boxes. Like throwing fine china into a dishwasher, as if there is no meaning to its fine quality and special-ness.

Box after box, out those memories and treasures go.

Into the garage for now, onto Craig's List to sell later, or perhaps we should donate them to Goodwill for other people to enjoy. Perhaps. Or , how about this? " I KEEP EVERYTHING! " screams my emotional, sentimental brain.


This is not a random house, I repeat. This is My Home.

See those rooms? My children lived in them, we had dinners together, we cooked meals, we ran after dogs and cats and grandchildren here. I even once had a white parakeet named Jude who flew the cuckoos nest, so to speak :-) .
I rearranged furniture a thousand times in these very neat rooms.

This room? The one we cannot call an official bedroom due to lack of a closet? It was a nursery, a single daughter's bedroom, a guest room and a son's hangout! My grandchildren painted the walls and ran upstairs to play with the toys here.

My life changed from that of a being a Pastor's Wife, Mother and Married Matriarch to one who endured painfully an unwanted Divorce, raising kids alone as a Single Mother, finding and maintaining a Full Time Job while raising wounded teens,  to becoming a  Blessed Grammy of 13 grandchildren in the last 19 years. NINETEEN years I have lived in this place, in this quiet suburb.

We have planted and cut down a Maple tree in that same amount of time! My Oak tree is bigger than any house on the street and it wasn't even here in 1996!

So it goes.

Selling the Home that I once thought would be my forever place to live.
I liked my neighbors and my knowledge of street activities and noises. I liked that the airplanes flew in certain patterns across the skies on their way to Philly airport, and the barges moaned their foghorns loudly as they lazied up the Delaware River in the fog. I liked that neighbors down the street knew me by my dog's names and not necessarily by mine; or even by my teenager's experimentation's with living,  not judging but calling hello to me as I ran by.

My house is not selling. Nobody wants my Home. 'Detaching' is the name of the plan .

Some days I feel fine about this, since I love my HOME and especially like sitting on the porches and watching the birds as they frenzy around feeding on mosquitoes and locust.

It's pretty satisfying to feed squirrels now that my son doesn't eat all the peanut butter anymore ! Who will feed them when I am gone?

On other days I get really angry, thinking  how I could rearrange my life so that staying here was more affordable and reasonable.

The thing is, I KNOW in my head that God Himself walks before me and beside me and behind me . I KNOW He has  all of this figured out and as of today, because He is God, and I am not, has allowed this waiting time to continue. I also KNOW that the right buyer is there , waiting to make this Home into their own. Maybe they don't even know it exists, and I do!
(well that thought just cheered me up actually)

It's just that I thought I was a Planner, an organized, self sufficient detail kind of gal. I do NOT like surprises and I abhor taking risks because it is too scary. The last big risk I took was getting married instead of finishing college. [It's ok, no need to comment][ I DO have a sense of humor, as God does!]

So here I sit, jumping up and out as potential buyer upon potential buyer traipses through my Home, tells the realtor it is "too much work" to buy and "not updated enough" for their taste.

My dog Louie and I have gone to the dog park, sat in our respective cages, and disappeared faster than the carpet can be shaken, to return and discover a canceled visit or negative comment.

We are not complaining!
We are just weary.
We need someone to tell us it will be fine and in a few months all the questions will be answered.

Or not?
Nice talking to you, Blogspot, whom I have missed.
See you next time.

A year later....

Happy New Year!

I see that my last blog post was written a year ago last month , and really, I am surprised that so many words can stay bottled up for so long.

This blogspot has been eluding me, and for some strange reason I located it this week, deciding it was time to write again. I talk all the time in my head, but rarely do the thoughts escape onto the keyboard. (it used to be paper, but that will probably be the next extinct item).

Last year I found an idea on Pinterest that gave me pause-"I can do this one!, " thought I.  First of all, I hate crafty things, and secondly, I am not that great on follow through...or has nobody noticed? 

It consisted of making a jar of blessings acquired and noted throughout the year, as a testimony to God's faithfulness and exercise of gratitude. I decided that should I follow through on this exercise, I would document it, and praise God for His gifts to me all year.

I did write my papers of thanks through the year, God did faithfully grant me blessings and gifts, and I am acknowledging it here, January 1, 2015. 

As a Grammy to many grands, one of my heart's desires is to always be showing them the path of faithfulness of following and loving the Lord God. It has been a road not unlike parenting- you walk on it and wonder if it is even making any difference. You often fail, but trust God to keep you up and on that path , by His grace.

Ethan lives the closest to me, so I tend to see him more often than some of the others, and he is often watching Grammy's antics.He knew about the blessing can because it was always in the same spot by the coffee, and always had a pen and tablet next to it for notations as needed. We'd talked about my goal and he even reminded me on occasion to write something down. 

Well, coincidentally(or,as we Christians often say, providentially! ) Ethan stayed with me last night while mom went out with her friend.

This morning was the great reveal! Opening of the Blessing can(It was a pretty jar on Pinterest, but I used an old Peaberry Coffee can from Traders Joe!)

We were ready! " Sit next to me so I can read them too,"  says the boy. 

So we alternated the readings and were reminded of all the little moments in life that pile up and become bigger moments and then a full year! 

A couple of the notes I didn't even remember writing!! and they were in my handwriting.

Occasionally a different handwriting appeared....

Those were particularly noted in my Grammy brain as lessons given and clearly received!

There were some moments that, as time moves on, will be more cemented in my mind  than others, as these two:

and there were ordinary events I remembered to be grateful for, one lesson I need to continue learning....

But as Ethan and Grammy shuffled through the pile of notes and notations, perhaps the paper slip that meant the most to me personally, was the one I had NO IDEA was in the can. It had been slipped inside by a little boy who was learning the secret of happy living through our blessing can:

2014 was a good year, after all.
Shall we thank God?

'Tis the season' and more reasons ~2013

Christmas Tidings of Great Joy!
2013, December

Today, after church services, it was snowing!! and is the first snowfall of the winter of 2013 and I am pretty sure not the last. ( although last winter had a pretty poor showing in the snowy mix category.) 

 Speaking of last Christmas, let's just get all pleasantries out of the way and say that God is amazing. I am not referring only to His gift of Jesus Christ to be born, live among men, then die and return to heaven...just for us to have our sins atoned for. Nope, I am also referring to His work in my own personal life on an intimate, personal level.

 My life has been rather 'out there' for all of my friends and family to know-no secrets or ghosts in my closet-just a bunch of outdated clothes and old fashioned things to discard.( a work in progress ) 

After praying almost daily for my former beloved husband's return and restoration to the family, I was able to see God work in a way that was surprisingly simple, last Christmas.

 As I drove to Charleston, SC to spend last Christmas holidays with Paul, Allison, Isabel , Ava and Luke, David flew into Philadelphia, by way of Charleston and New Mexico, and reappeared on the horizon. I have not seen or spoken to him, but I prayed fervently and often for the children to be restored to their father in some way, and that has been happening. Nothing takes away bitterness or anger better than loving someone enough to pray for their life to be blessed and a blessing.

 Should you be a praying person, believing as I do that God does all things well and redeems the broken places in His own way and time, thank Him with me and pray as I do , that God Himself would be glorified in this family still.

Interestingly, (to me anyway), in today's message at church , a statement made, simple yet profound.

“Man cannot reach out and be good enough for God, God must reach out to us. This is the Advent season - God reaching out to us to come to Him..” 

Do you feel relieved hearing that? Those nasty thoughts , deeds, conversations, lost tempers, cruel remarks...do not change that God loves me. He loves me. He answers my heart cries, silent yearnings, quiet longings. Ah, thanks be to God. I love the Christ of Christmas.

If you want to know, this is what a lizard says.

The children are grown, the year has been quiet , without extraordinary and filled with ordinary. I love the ordinary blessings of Skype letting me see my Theodore grow , fulfilling the prayers of His people for life and health and normalcy. Rachel is currently in a play, returning to her passion for acting, and playing with Theodore too, as Aric and she enjoy the West way too much to want to return East. As any normal mother of far away children....I am praying. (wink, wink)

 The ordinary occurrence of my sister Paula, in remission from cancer(not so ordinary but rather a gift from God) and spending a week together in Ocean City NJ in the Spring. This was one of my unexpected  fun times, even though it snowed at the Beach!

 

 

I am ever so thankful that another ordinary , extraordinary joy was driving to Charleston SC to share firstborn Paul's 40^th birthday -together eating in a less than extraordinary Brazilian restaurant and seeing my 3 sweet Southern grandbabies twice in one year!

 Isabel, Ava, and Luke, swimming in the ocean in October and learning to ride a 2 wheeler! Such normal every day fun to share in.

  It was also an ordinary week if it included phone calls and drop in visits from Julie , Adam and Ethan who live only a mile away. Ethan's family found quite a cute Puggle named Watson to love this year, and it looks like their cuddly Thomas the bunny now has a brother. 

Adam and Julie both work in the financial fields, so my future should be secure (another wink, wink).

 Margie , Joel and their 5 children [Eliot is 12!, Simon, Jesse, Nora and Bianca] had an ordinary year until July when they sold their home and moved within about the same number of weeks that it was blocks from their old place in Kennett Square, PA.! Seeing God work out those details was another gift of personal blessing amongst seemingly random circumstances. God loves my children, and I thank Him. Their home is often the one we gravitate to for family gatherings, and I thank God for Margie's gift of hostessing with calm.

 The Becca and Steve family of four are thriving, even as they utilize the skills God gifted them with in transforming their very old home to a home that will someday need to be featured in a Renovator's Magazine – poor Martha Stewart has met her match. Aidan and Evelyn cannot possibly be in school all day, it was merely the blink of an eye ago when they were born! Steve graduated from taking some pretty tough courses in school while he pounded nails and cleaned out the pool we all swam in this summer- I am thanking God for giving Steve perseverance, and Steve just wants a buck this week hunting! :-)

 We loved the pool at the Lacock's home! and many excuses to visit when the weather was HOT, found us gathering there.

 Joshua, my crazy 'NJ Devils or die' hockey fan, with a side love of all thing shark related, is enjoying a solid career at UPS, and will not take responsibility for your late Christmas packages! He lives in Philly in a neighborhood he won't let me visit because of the gang activity- you imagine for yourself how this mom prays!

And then there is Andrew who is a quarter of a century in age ,with life experiences worth at least double that. Praying for him to secure a job has been one of those requests I need to trust God with, all the while hoping it takes shorter time than those 12 years I prayed for David. :-) Andy will always be my baby but his beautiful CAM , pit bull baby , may drive me crazy with his large presence. 

I know that as my kids grow and change and develop their own lives and families, I am no longer an integral part of the process. In my head I am fully aware of the need to back away and let God and them work out 'stuff'. But seriously, I wish there was a pill to take that gave that an easy slide down to my heart strings. It pains me to watch, and pushes my faith to the limits of where I think God wants me walking. I am not, nor ever was, a risk taker. Watching the Amazing Race on television truly terrifies me-especially some of those bungee jumps! How can I compete in this Amazing Race of life after my children have grown up and need me no more? My job helps and is a constant blessing; my friends are all fumbling toward the finish line with me, and yet, somehow, we are strengthened by each other. When a friend says “I get it” there is more comfort than I ever imagined.

   

There is no way I could tell you in this annual letter just how blessed I am . I know what grace is because I am given it day by day, minute by minute. I have NO doubt that next year this letter may include extraordinary drama and pain again, for that is why we need a Savior. I am, however , preparing myself now for those days by encouraging YOU in these better ones. 

Stay tuned, and have a very Merry Christmas, because Jesus loves you, this I KNOW.