Black and White

Lately I have been thinking alot about what one of my daughters said to me regarding ways I have changed over the years. It was in interesting side comment, not the main topic of our conversation.

I have four beautiful daughters, one daughter-in-law equally as wonderful, and the potential for 2 more in-law daughters, so I need to pay attention when they talk. I may no longer have a husband around to help me stretch and grow, but these daughters sure keep me thinking and on my toes!



This particular dialogue included the comment of how I must be more aware now than I used to be, of life not being so Black and White as I used to think, and maybe including more shades of Gray. Even thinking of it now I feel my stomach knot up and my defenses start rising to the surface! GRAY?!? As in not either Black OR White? Gray?? Oh come now, things are either Right or Wrong, Good or Evil, Wide or Narrow, Straight or Crooked, Healthy or Sick, etc...you get the picture of how I think. Or used to think as Margie gently pointed out.

I hate Divorce, and furthermore, I do not believe it is right, and promised my young children growing up that they would never have to worry about mommy and daddy divorcing. Strike One.
Children belong to married people and people are to be married before they have children. Enter Ethan, Strike Two.
The Kingdom of God here on Earth is made up of people easily identified, packaged neatly, labeled well, and unmistakably recognized by their behaviors and political party affiliations. Strike Three.




Obama or McCain? Baptist or Catholic? Scarier yet, Reformed Presbyterian or Presbyterian USA? Gay or Straight? Adultery or Marriage? Drunk or Drugged? Prescription or Street? Going to Church or Going Shopping?
Own a Car or Take the Bus?(or Hey why stop there- WALK!?) Abandonment or Divorce? Fat or Skinny? With Sweetener or Sugar? Hate the Illegal Immigrants or Disown Your Ancestors? 401K or Buy a Loaf of Bread for the Homeless? Blind or No Vision? Hard of Hearing or Not Listening? On MTV or in the High School Christmas Pageant? Life Support to Starve to Death? Dogs or Cats?



I suppose I could keep listing, and going on and on, but believe it or not, these are just some of the things that I have personally encountered in the last few months. I am really just an average, divorced, aspiring photographer, Christian, homemaker turned teacher, Woman of God, Mother and Faithful Friend to a quite a few.

I guess to be really brutally honest,I am also an immigrant lover whether illegal or holding a green card,[hey, do you think my former husband of 31 years who was a Brazilian , married me for the green card? Hmmmm, didn't think of that], mother of Black and White children, grandmother to 'out of' and 'in' wed locked grandchildren, Presbyterian, Reformed, Coffee with International Delight Creamer and NOT Coffee mate, Receiver of bread(thanks Jean)but blessed with a Home, Went to church, then shopping, an Advil Junkie with an occasional glass of wine, and on and on . Not time for a Biography but for a Gray Point.

It occurs to me , in my God-Centered World View of things, that the reason Margie is Right and I am changing daily and learning to LOVE the color Gray is because Gray equals Grace.
Grace equals Jesus. He is sinless perfection, all else is Blackened imperfection, worthy of eternal death and condemnation.
Jesus equals Change and Tolerance and Love and Empathy and LIFE eternal.
Trusting Him means, to me, a clearer view of life in shades of gray, and while the Black remains Black and the White remains White, I am learning daily to embrace the gray.
Because, without God's Grace I do not have the ability to Love or Live.