Back to Reality

My heart is beating faster, my thoughts are more jumbled than usual, my list of things to get done while on vacation just stares at me as if willing me to function. That's the word I am searching for -functional. I am not that. I am non-functional, slowed down, rapidly deteriorating. Why, you ask? Well, even if nobody is asking I am about to tell you why.

This is the first Friday of the New Year, 2009, and the last official day of my vacation. Sure, I still have a full weekend ahead of me, but that doesn't count. This is seriously the LAST day of my glorious, wonderful, refreshing Christmas vacation. I refuse to call it a Holiday, it was definitely Christmas and it is definitely over. Here's where that famous saying should be inserted in the text: Bah Humbug.

I loved everything about my vacation. I loved the family collected and the chaos that comes with it. I loved the packages and presents and people and piles of paper.{I love alliteration} I loved the ten grandchildren , six of whom are now crazy 2 year olds! Have you ever tried to organize play amongst two year olds? How hilarious is that?!!They fight and sit next to each other and want exactly the toy the other one has, and now. The matching toy does not really work, they want that exact toy.Then, of course, there was the Family Picture Grammy needs as proof of the moment. Since I happen to be the Grammy and my sofa happens to be the location, I also have to do the coercion and cooperation control. Fortunately, these same 2 year olds also have a need for candy and presents and can be very easily bribed for little more than a candy cane. Next year they may remember the trick so I am already thinking of something subtle, yet sweet.







As you may have noticed, success was mine.

Returning to my heart racing symptoms, it feels almost like adrenaline coursing through my veins. I watch the hands on the clock as if by watching them I can slow down time. As anyone over the age of 50 can tell you , time just speeds up every year so obviously clock watching isn't the answer to my dilemma. What is my dilemma? I love my job about as well as anyone can love their job. The people are friendly, the hours are perfect, the pay is good, the benefits are a blessing and the work is not difficult. I consider myself a woman with a thankful heart so I am truly grateful God has given me this job. So what exactly is the problem?

I love my home. I loved my old role as Homemaker and Mother. I loved being a wife and managing a very tight bank budget. I love shopping for a bargain and really needing it. I like visiting neighbors spur of the moment and taking the elderly ones a bowl of homemade soup. Well, my soup isn't the greatest soup on the planet , to be sure, but it is homemade and it is tasty when there is a need for homemade. This vacation reminded me that I like just being. Nobody arguing with me over my job description or my techniques for class activities, or even when to have a snack. I can have a snack anytime I please, and eat whatever I care to, healthy or not.



Is there a point to this blog? Not really. I just decided to put down on paper(or the modern day equivalent to paper)my angst over beginning another year at a job rather than at Home. Interestingly, I am so thankful for God's gift of work for me I thank Him every single morning for it. I have several friends and a son who are currently laid off or unemployed and I pray diligently for them to become gainfully employed. I say gainfully because I think Internet gambling is such a waste of time!

My heartbeat is slowing a bit since writing this blog. Perhaps it's because the sun is still shining and the day is not yet over and I may still fit in a few cups of coffee. Or perhaps it's because one of my students at my job gave me a gift certificate to Dunkin Donuts and I have a very large apple fritter waiting to be devoured out in the kitchen. Well, come to think of it, I never would have been able to afford an over-priced apple fritter from DD had I not been working and had this kind student not loved me enough to thank me with a gift certificate....so round and round we go, where we stop, nobody knows.....