In sickness and in health

I am home from work sick. The last two days I could not lift a finger to even approach this computer, but today, having survived the all niter of fever, chills and sweats, I find myself feeling better. Better in the sense of better vs. worse, not better vs. go to work. Let me be very clear on that one :-), lest I be accused of taking a sick day in vain.

Being home with nothing to do but exist and think I was dying,  led to quite a bit of in depth thinking, which also leads inevitably to in depth prayer, reminding myself that the brain is open territory for good and bad thoughts.

I reviewed all of my sins of the past lifetime (since I was approaching death I needed to keep current with repentance) and came up, as God succinctly put it, short of the glory of God.

That thought then strangely wandered down the path of what am I really, really good at, bringing glory TO God in ? I've traveled this road before and oftentimes gotten side tracked or stuck in a rut, but today I was determined to see it to the end.

I once thought I was good at photography,exhibit A:

 exhibit B:

and exhibit C:

I offer in this exhibit a flower(made by God) , a cow in the mountains(made by God) and my grandsons, happy(made by God ), and I think I could offer a million more pictures. Me taking pictures, capturing the essence of what I want to remember.

Then Becca got a camera, and I decided I wasn't that great after all, or perhaps, she was learning from me? (hopefully stated)

Exhibit  Becca A and B: or A (Aidan) and E (Evie):

I am sure it isn't something to be taken personally, after all there are a large variety of photographers in this world, as evidenced by any chance glance at Webshots or Flicker or Shutterfly. Just this morning I happened upon a young friend's photography page (embedded with her name, so maybe that is the trick to looking professional?) and she was Good. I mean really GOOD. Where does this leave me with my self worth status update?

Well, don't be alarmed! I am hospitable. Nope, used to be, not any more. I am not opposed to entertaining, having folks drop in and dine, but they need to bring the food these days and better call first or I may be too tired to answer the door.

How about this one?
I love children! and relate to them really easily , no matter the age. Just give me five minutes and I will have them figured out. Well , truth be told, I am a 60 year old weary Grammy and prefer my own children and grandchildren to just about any others out there, and although I can relate to all kids, I actually prefer not to these days. I work with kids all day and while I love truly these little creatures that God has allowed into my inner circle, I have begun to prefer a cup of coffee and a friend-alone.

Self analysis is narrowing down the field of things I am super suited for...

I collected cookbooks for a really long time, loving to read recipes and think about when I might serve them. I even teach kindergarten cooking where I work , this should prove I love cooking!

Well, about that.

Rachel came home for Christmas and as we sat perusing recipes and magazines about Food, she offered me a thought: "Mom, you don't even like to cook, why are you saving all these recipes?" "oh but I love recipes, Rach!" "Mom, you hate cooking ". "I do?" "Yes, you do".
I remain mystified. Her husband is a lawyer , I was convicted.

Sipping my tea, trying to wish this cold into oblivion, and thinking deep thoughts are too many activities for this sunny , albeit chilly day. I need to stop thinking.

The squirrels are gleefully taking advantage of my weakened state, and are overtaking the back porch. I must remain vigilant , even in sickness!

My conclusions for today are simply this:
One day at a time, one moment at a time, one opportunity at a time, all for the glory of God. Since He is God and I am not, I am leaving it to HIM to value the offering of myself and make it shine for Him. I have nothing besides a heart open to His guidance and grace, and an almost healthy body with which to show others the pathway to Him.

Follow me friends, the way is rough, there is no GPS that gives you an advance warning as to construction or road blocks, and sometimes the ruts are deep and long, more common than the paved parts, but ahead I am SURE, are eternal streets paved with gold.

Oh, I see a bird, let me grab my camera!