I am so thankful that God has given me this very remarkable anniversary and I am able to celebrate the joy of my marriage, rather than it's ending. It has taken 10 very difficult and painful years for me to see clearly the lessons I needed to learn, and I hope I am not finished learning! I am pretty sure that I am going to learn more lessons, but for today, I am thanking God for faithfully walking with me over the last ten years.
There are a few Bible verses that jumped off the pages of God's Word to encourage me in the beginning of this ....adventure? They are in Isaiah 43:
Fear not, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I'll be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you, For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel , your Savior.
I seriously read those words and thought to myself,'well, good time to test this one out!'.
Ten years ago I really felt pretty sure that life was over. My husband of 30 years decided he had made a mistake marrying me and somehow chose that reason as an opportunity to leave. I really mean leave, as in disappear. We had, at the time, two 16 year olds, a 13 year old and I was a homemaker by trade. One daughter was leaving for another country to study abroad, one had just purchased her first home a mile away, and another daughter was newly married. Our oldest son had just barely returned from his honeymoon. The timing of this impending life crisis was, shall I say, problematic, or at least felt similar to a flood, earthquake and tornado hitting-at the same time.
Fast forward to today, because the next ten years have been like riding on a roller coaster, and I hate roller coasters.
Life is not predictable, first lesson. I thought if you followed a certain formula, then certain results happened.
Second lesson: Since God is God, and I know His ways are best and He loves me (those two truths, along with several others are nestled nicely in between Genesis and Revelation), this has all been part of His plan for my good and for His Glory. Yes, I know, I believe that too! :-)
The third lesson seriously came to me at 2:00 am this morning, and I have a sleep deprived headache to prove it. Ready for it?
The future I am living out now, today, on my 40th wedding anniversary, is better than what could or would have been, had my life followed the course it was on ten years ago. In other words, my imaginary present is a lie! It is not possible to have been 'happily married to my husband today at year 40' because God's ways are BEST, not second rate, not thwarted or mistaken.
Do you understand the relief this is to me? God is God! He is still in charge! He walked with me through those fires and floods and thorny paths and He and I are still fine! I can do ALL things through Christ Who gives me daily strength! It is not just a verse to read on Sunday mornings, it is Truth, and I am living, breathing proof.
I might need to clarify something here, lest anyone mistake me for Pollyanna.[ who apparently is not that popular with people :-) ]
I still miss my husband, I love him, I married for life so am lonely for his companionship, and I cry from time to time over the tragedies that have come from his leaving us.
What I will not do, however, is grieve for what might have been any longer. I will celebrate my wedding anniversary, because I loved my marriage and life and husband well! There is still an anniversary~
May 29, 2011 ~because there was a marriage and I had a wedding day.
Oh, and by the way, I'm buying myself a present, a really nice camera so I can take really good pictures of those eleven really beautiful grandchildren God blessed me with. Jesus loves me, this I KNOW.
2 comments:
I don't know whether your story is sad or amazing. I guess some of both. But, happy 40th in the hand of the One who will always be with you.
Char & I remembered you on this ( our parent's too) 40th anniversary. We grieve with you for the past but rejoice in your present & future! Just know that you have and will remain in our prayers. Having gone through a difficult divorce myself five years ago ( although not as difficult as what you have been through) I know all too well the pain & confusion as well as the "what it's", " could have," " would have", & "should of's". But God brought me through it and blessed me with a daughter from it. You have been a blessing to us all and God's great love is shone through your life. Love you Aunt Sue!
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