My Firstborn is 35! I am older....

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I am trying to stay calm...Paul David is 35 tomorrow at 3:24 pm. I cannot avoid the fact that he has reached an age at which I thought people were adults, old, grown-up, mature, done being children! But he is my son, my baby, my firstborn...how can this be?

I clearly remember the day we found out he was actually growing within my body. It was so mysterious, one day I am a teller at a bank and the next minute I am expecting a little human being. Nothing was the same and yet everything was the same!
His father and I read all of the right books, tried to stay calm and yet kept wondering why nobody realized we were NOT ready for parenthood! We were young, foolish, uneducated in parenting, only married 2 years and certainly could not handle the possibilities that a having a child might bring. For crying out loud, who even knew how to change a diaper? Keep in mind this is before the Internet that could have shown me a YouTube video on how to do it, before car seats were for anyone but the very wealthy, before childbirth was taken over by qualified hospitals and doctors and snatched from the hands of Midwives(tongue solidly in cheek ). There were already rumors that this bearing of a child and raising him to adulthood would most likely wipe out our savings...if we had one. One child per family, please, two at the most, and this was my first! Oh My Goodness.

I had him! His father watched the World Series, I recall, as I labored and birthed this 8 lb. 2 oz. package, then glibly waved to me as I was wheeled by thinking death had arrived disguised as childbirth. He could not be 'with me' since in 'those days' we had to have attended a birthing class together and since I worked(remember I am a Bank Teller?) and his dad worked the night shift, there were no classes available. So he smugly watching TV(Yes they had TV back then!) while I did the job set before me.

His grandmother, my mom, living a few states away, arrived before we left the hospital[one had to stay 3 days back then] and promptly sobbed at first sighting. I could NOT understand this, since she had just met the child and she had known me 23 years and I didn't see her crying at seeing ME! How curious, I thought, until May 1, 2001. Fast forward to Eliot Raymond's arrival and my need for Kleenex as an accessory.

This firstborn son was indeed the wonder of the world I lived in, bringing me joy and pain, laughter and tears, singing and groaning, frolicking and fretting, but always thankfulness and hope and wonder that God would entrust me to raise one of His little blessed children to adulthood, should I be so blessed. And I was.

Paul is one of the most intelligent men I know, next to his father, and his faithfulness to his family is cause for me to be proud to know him. He is a strong leader, secure in the knowledge that his talents and gifts are being well used and were given him for a reason of importance by His God. He calls himself a follower of Jesus, and follows Him well. The path he has been given has not been easy and yet he stays the course, oftentimes walking on the path without a map. But he always has a compass, the Son is always his true north, and he causes me great joy and peace. Peace because on my own path, when I wanted to give up, I have glanced his way and seen a Man walking along,steady and strong, the very same man whom I didn't know how to diaper...

I am so glad God trusted me with this son. I love him. Happy Birthday PD.
I was and always will be Big B.

Happy Birthday Friend

Yesterday was the birthday of a Very Important Person!



She will never be written about in famous books, or seen on the evening news, unless she decides to throw a brick in her neighbor's window to keep the music from blaring through their paper thin row house walls. She is called friend by many and MOM by my three nephews by decree. We decreed a very long time ago that she would be Aunt Judy and I would be Aunt Sue to whomever we both ended up raising as children. It just seemed better that way.


She laughs so loudly that people often look at her and wonder what the joke is. Usually she is just amused at some mundane daily event and it has struck her as hilarious. One cannot help but join her in laughter because undoubtedly she has begun crying and rolling on her side by the time you figure out what the funny thing is....



Her name is Judy. I call her Meatball. You figure it out.

She and I have been Best Friends Forever(BFF), which in human years translates to before she was married and I was a young mother of 3. We both were attending the same church in Ithaca, New York where she went to college majoring in music and I was born and raised, majoring in motherhood. It was an odd friendship to start, she so young and silly coming from a really messy home life, and me the more mature and stable one with the normal background and family life.(well I thought so anyhow).
There would be no way we would be more than passing friends, I thought. How could we be? She is so immature, laughing all the time, screaming so loudly, acting so young.

Furthermore, one year as time plodded on and we would see each other occasionally, she asked if she could come to my daughter Becca's birthday party, Number 6 , as I recall. Even now I am remembering how much I was angered by her thoughtless and foolish forgetfulness. She came , to my daughter's Birthday Party, without the cake!! As I recall, she mumbled some apologetic words of nonsense and dashed away to the local supermarket and purchased the fanciest cake she could find, spending way too much money to be even remotely sensible and brought it back to the party grinning from ear to ear.


Why does a person become your BFF?



It is an interesting question and one that surprises me even as I think it through.

I am blessed with many good friends, many acquaintances, and even a larger than average batch of really, truly, special friends. But the BEST one? The one that you think of before your husband and children and family? The one that truly can annoy the living daylights out of you and yet you cannot bear to go through more than two life- altering events without asking her to hash out the nitty gritty details with you? You absolutely MUST see her SOON??!! And by life -altering I am talking about the wrong color of a dress you purchased on sale, or a missing coffee mug or a piece of juicy neighbor gossip you need to convey. That kind of life-altering.

When my husband told me he had decided he had made a mistake marrying me 7 years ago, Judy was the one I called sobbing into the phone to, after I walked out the front door and collapsed at the kitchen table of my daughter's house in shock and disbelief. "Really?", she quipped, so amazed that it only took him 30 years to fully realize this mistake...."He must be crazy or have gone insane or something!?" she screamed, "I'll come kill him! " Now that's a best friend.



Aunt Judy has never forgotten one of my children's birthdays intentionally. As all of the 7 children know full well, she may forget it, and probably will, unintentionally, but it makes it all the nicer. In her remembering she will outspend and out apologize anyone on the planet with the coolest most fashionable, most 'in' present the stores have to offer. She is the one who took the kids to see the latest movie, always buying the Large size popcorn and of course a Coke at the theater. She is the aunt who had to have the boys come for overnights so they could play the Nintendo games we couldn't afford to buy.



Judy loved my son Danny too.The Danny that died at age 9 months and a long 24 years ago, son. She was with me when he came home , babysitting our 4 children who we needed to leave suddenly in order to drive out to Pittsburgh and retrieve him within 24 hours from his birth mother. She was with me when we discovered he wasn't going to live any longer than February 1, 1984. She told me that day that because of Danny she and her husband were going to have a son and name him Danny someday(and they did) and she and her husband were going to adopt a handicapped child someday (and they did).



My BFF is outrageous. I am orderly and organized. She is disorderly and disorganized.
I buy cards, remember occasions, send people notes on time, write my newsletters and stamp them and send them off. Judy buys the cards, for sure, she buys the stamps, for sure, she remembers that friends and relatives have special days, to be sure. But she still has the stamps and cards and I know this because yesterday , at her party for her own birthday that she threw, I saw some of them. They were under the pile of papers I was looking through to find where she put the birthday napkins.

Oh, and speaking of Judy's Birthday Party....Judy called me yesterday morning and giggled, "want to come up for a birthday lunch today?" "Sure",said I, knowing I had blocked the day off for just such a last minute invite. After all, we have been friends for 30+ years and a BFF knows the ropes. " What shall I bring?" I foolishly queried. "Oh I am going to the store now and I have it covered, just bring Margie and her 5 kids!"


So we traveled to Great Aunt Judy's house, kids in tow, presents wrapped and ready, to a deliciously and lovingly prepared Birthday Lunch. We had appetizers because she loves appetizers, we had yummy food on birthday plates and napkins, and we had birthday cake that she had made when she awoke early at 4:00 am unable to sleep that morning. The kids bounced around her small row home, scampering past the piles of papers and unused stamps, digging out the special Hess trucks from Danny's bedroom, and chasing the cat(oh, she has my cat's kitten Sunny because I couldn't bear that he went to a stranger...)out from his hiding place.



Have you been able to tell yet why Judy is my BFF?
She is one in a million, she makes me laugh when I want to die and I have never ever heard her say a single negative thing about any member of my family, even when I want to kill them.
She's a keeper and I love her to pieces, even if I can't think of a single thing she was ever on time to. Being on time is overrated anyhow.

All About Andrew

I wonder if this day twenty years ago was snowy or mild? Was it below zero with a scary ride to the hospital, or was it an easy and exciting trip? Today is not only blustery,cold and gray, but finally we awakened to SNOW on the ground, and schools were closed across the region because of the ice predicted to follow later today.

Did Andy's birthmom dread the 'all-too-quickly-happening' hello and good bye of her son? I wonder if she knew before the delivery day if he was a boy or did she just keep it a surprise? Who knew this baby before he became my own? Now that I am a Grammy, I even wonder if his birth Grammy knew him for a moment in time and holds that memory close to her heart? How many times have I tried to imagine their state of mind as together they made the decision to relinquish the raising of a son to another unknown family? Wow. This is a very difficult imaginary/real life scenario!

Simultaneously in another part of Cincinnati, Ohio our family was growing and loving and thriving in a new location. Dad had recently taken a new job, Mom[yes, me] was busily loving every minute of child-rearing and homemaking. We had adopted son Joshua 2 years prior who was added to our birth children to make an even half dozen kids. Since Josh was African-American, we were Hispanic, Latin American,so we decided to continue the blending a bit more and went to our local Children's Home for an interview. I will never forget that they excitedly asked us if we would MIND taking another healthy black son? We had been so blessed with healthy children thus far that we thought perhaps it wasn't fair to even ask for a baby, but rather an older son. What a surprising twist of events.

In a matter of days the magical phone call came. Some siblings were playing and some were attending school, and Dad was at the doctor with an earache, I was doing my Mom things. Two lives were about to intersect, two worlds combining for a moment, two cultures and races united for a single cause. We both desired one baby boy to reach adulthood in a loving environment with as many advantages as humanly possible stacked in his favor.This baby boy, whom we named Andrew, arrived at our home when he was exactly two months old,tiny and dear, cuddly and sweet.

Andrew is twenty years old today, not so tiny anymore, but wonderfully dear. Still cuddly and always sweet, he is by far the best of both worlds that joined forces with love and sacrifice and selflessness to grow him up. Andy is the baby in the family , trying to become the adult son, while continually struggling with sisters and brothers who insist on telling him what is best for him in order to spare him of any more pain than neccessary. He has a smile that will win over even the grumpiest person, and he genuinely loves people. People love him,too. He is a faithful friend, a fantastic son and a terrific brother. There has not been a single day that my heart has not filled with total gratitude to God for allowing me to be part of Andrew's growth plan! What a privilege and delightful way to end the active job of parenting I signed on for 35 years ago!

My hope and prayer today is for Andrew's birthmom to be at peace with her loving decision made those twenty years ago. I hope she will someday know this man child of ours, and understand that in both of our lives there was One who guided the choices to produce the outcome that He alone intended to happen. I, for one, am glad He did, because my life is much richer as a result of loving and knowing Andrew.

Happy Birthday son.I love you.
Mom

If Mom is 77 , then I must be old

Happy Birthday Mom!

I am astounded that age 77 is a mere 20 years away. It seems like the gap between she and I has closed as the years stroll by. Is it possible that they are even getting closer together?

Well, mom was actually 77 yesterday, January 16, 2008.

Since I had brilliantly downloaded another anti-virus protection service and it 'imploded' my computer as it fought to keep the bad guys out along with the Comcast provided anti-virus protection [this was the young girl technician's word, not mine] we had a temporary computer meltdown here. I tried over and over to log onto the internet , all the time being told it was impossible by this machine that continues to be smarter than me. My solution was to uninstall my newest maneuver, fixing my own problem. As an aside, have you noticed how we often create our own problems, then want others to fix them? Just an aside.

Back to mom.

Maude gave birth to me at age 19, becoming pregnant at age 18, just out of high school. Her real name isn't Maude, it's just what I have called her as a silly pet name over the years. How could mom become a mother at such a young age and live so well until age 77 still loving and traveling and sewing and cooking and going to church and sharing of herself with MY children and grandchildren? My youngest son is the age she was[19] and THAT is impossible to imagine-that He could be a father! Amazing trip through the years I would say, very successful, very inspiring, very strenuous at times.

I am so weary already, the daily struggles and stresses often becoming my theme rather than my postscript. I want to be done raising kids, be done paying the bills, be through with all of the responsibility factors. But the road continues on, the traveling often leaving me bone tired and discouraged.

Then I call Maude. She chatters on about the weather or the latest trip she has planned or the
cutest little bird she saw at her feeder that morning. And I feel inspired to continue walking forward, getting out my binoculars for a clearer view of those little birds outside of MY window, all the while knowing that since she is ahead of me on this journey through life, and she declared it safe, I am OK. After all, she's my mom. And I love her, my always young mother.