Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, brother Brian's birthday(oops forgot to send a card),all sailed by and all that is left are a few pine needles on my living room floor. Yesterday my dear children all drove off, carrying Isabel and Ava back to their Southern home, so I refocused my sadness into clutter clearing mode.
As an aside, I used to clear brush and make huge piles to burn and as soon as a child went off to college I would burn to smithereens the pile I had created , expending all of my inner angst and energy. Perhaps tree-ridding is safer?
Out went the tree(my sleeping friends will soon appreciate their new hiding place from Apryl the cat and the inevitable snowstorm),back to boxes went the ornaments, copied to computer were the Christmas Cd's I can't bear to pack away...sadness magically turned to utter exhaustion and a good night's sleep for me.
I find I cannot pack away my thoughts as easily nor as quickly as I can pack away the Christmas season. There are boxes for ornaments but where do I put my thoughts?
Reflections on my favorite moments during our traditional family Christmas Eve gathering are tumbling around my head like rocks turning into shiny gems in a jewelry tumbler. I loved watching Andy and Rachel competing lovingly in the kitchen, challenging each other and using culinary skills that are partly learned, partially inherited, mostly acquired through annual usage. Esfirra, croquettes, pao de quejo, why even Becca jumped into the chefs line-up this year producing her very first entry into the mix!
The thundering (and I do mean thundering, not pitter pattering as some would romanticize)feet throughout the house, the squealing and scrambling and jumping and laughter and tears too, all made for moments that I can pull out and think about mid-January when the winds blow cold and the heart forgets the warmth of family. When the cousins are together there is so much ENERGY. Oh I love that energy!! how it makes me return to the former days, the mental images flashing back from when their parents were young, when Santa was Me, and then even further to when I awaited the arrival of my very own beloved grandpa and grandma Garcia, whose arrival signaled that we could open OUR stockings....
With me, the matriarch, our Christmas family gathering included 13 adults , 10 children under the age of 7, another waiting in the womb, a cat, 2 dogs who think they are people, 2 more family dogs visiting the Ami and Poppie in the South and a goldfish that won't give up. I am a blessed woman and not so ignorant as to not thank God daily for this blessing of Family.
We Ribeiros used to be smaller and younger and less verbal and more similar in our thoughts and ideas, especially political and religious. Our family picture included a Patriarch, a church, a well thought out set of rules and boundaries. Life was simply and completely fine, thank you very much. My goodness, how things have changed! Just as I write that thought a Bible verse I have memorized years and years ago flashes into my mind! I cannot stop it any more than I can stop time from marching on.
In the book of Ecclesiastes we are told, "Do not say, why were the old days better than these? For it is not wise to ask such questions...when times are good, be happy, but when times are bad, consider, God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore a man cannot discover anything about his future."
So for today, I am going to sit quietly, watch the sun rise over the house behind mine first, then come up so I can see it.
I will have another cup of delicious morning coffee, reflect on my utterly quiet house, void of noise and naughtiness, refilled with silence and solitude. Scribblings done for the moment , replaced with praise for the One who has allowed me this delightful life, not empty of troubles or trauma, but full of Goodness and Grace , because God became a man and understands me and loves me anyway. I am thankful for Christmas and all of it's memories.
