I went to bed last night earlier than usual, which for me just meant 8:30pm instead of 9:30pm, because what is the sense in sitting alone staring at the TV or computer? I might as well be in bed reading. Then I started reading a book about living the Christian Life with thorns, which mom sent me. It made me more depressed. The premise is that oftentimes life just doesn't end up 'happily ever after' and so we need to grab God's Word and hang onto it , then proceed victoriously.
[I will add here that I adore God's Word, lean heavily upon His Truth, and find Him to be the anchor of my life and soul.]
I put the book down and watched Animal Planet.
I think perhaps when I was labeled a Pollyanna in my youth, I was labeled correctly. Either that, or I am still in denial and stuck there as firmly as a piece of meat in in my molars. I cannot see how imagining my life today as the end of the story can be victorious, no matter how many Bible verses I claim and read.
Back to my good night's sleep. I awoke not refreshed, sad feeling and then mad that I was still sad. Mad on top of sad is not helped by a cup of coffee.
See what a quandary?
I want to enjoy this Saturday, even had one friend offer me Brunch and another offer me an outing. I said No to both, knowing the way I am feeling does nobody any good to be around. So I began cleaning, dismantling the last vestiges of winter-my snowman collection and my winter Village.
True to my personality form, or just my nature as created by God Who still loves me when I am in a foul mood, things began improving. I rearranged furniture(no surprise there) and I swept and dusted and played music quite loudly [:-)]. Who stays moody while Mr. Tchaikovsky is blasting in the background?
I shook out a rug or two, washed a dish, finished a load of laundry and even grabbed a few weeds and yanked them from their cozy spot amongst the other weeds filling my garden sanctuary.
Isn't the word sanctuary absolutely perfect for conjuring up delicious gardens with fragrant smells and buds? I lied. I have nothing like that in my yard. It is a mass of discarded shrubs and annual plants and an old Christmas tree, all for the sake of a bird habitat should they need it during winter. That, and I am lazy.
Are you getting the complete picture here? I am sweaty and smelly, ready to wash away the sorrows that have accumulated from looking too much inward and not enough upward.
Time for renewal. Time to take a shower, hot and luxuriously long, since it is Saturday and I have no plans. I may even pick the book up again and try to realize anew that I have a well blessed life filled with friends and family, the assorted animals as a bonus. I may. Or I may put on a second pot of coffee or even dash over to Kennett Square and drink coffee while watching little people bounce around me. After the hot shower.
I am feeling pretty smug at this point. I have conquered depression without the aid of friends, books, or therapists! Give me some sleep, sounds and solo time and Sue can survive!!!
There is no hot water.
