Christmas Came, Christmas Went

How can a true Blogger pass up the holiday season of Christmas and not post a few thoughts? Correct- I cannot. I have been thinking about consolidating my thoughts all week and yet there they all are, rumbling around, bouncing back and forth in my brain, unable and unwilling to settle down into a solid mass of intelligent thought.

They remind me a bit of that ball of yarn the cat bats around the house from time to time. It just unrolls faster and faster, gets caught back up into knots and itself all over, tangles around chair legs(or perhaps brain cells for the purpose of my illustration )and then ends up impossibly unable to go back into a ball without significant outside assistance.

So it is with me and my Christmas thoughts. They just kept coming faster and faster, winding themselves around each other and then ending up tangled and unintelligible.I needed outside assistance! Someone other than myself had to enter my brain and help me think straight.

His name would be Jesus. I went for help to the One Who is really much more intelligent and able to pull my thoughts together for some semblance of sensibility. I went to church. I read my Bible. I talked to a man I consider a good and Godly friend. I hugged a woman like myself who is experiencing loss and change and growing kids. I gave and received a Christmas card. I gave and received a Christmas gift, which coincidentally came from a friend who at first I thought was crazy, and now I think is as necessary to me as breathing is to my health. My thoughts became less frantic and more organized, and disheveled thoughts became organized memories to tuck away for warming myself by on cold winter days ahead.

My oldest son and family came from North Carolina, arriving with 3 children and slightly ahead of a record snowstorm about to hit the East Coast.Our plans were set perfectly , beginning with their arrival and then adding families and people for the next 2 days, culminating in a complete family gathering for a traditional Brasilian Feijoada on Sunday afternoon.


It is no easy task to gather 7 children and their families, plus the added bonus this year of my Brasilian nephew, wife and 2 daughters living here for the year, an hour away. There are activities to schedule around, last minute gifts to purchase, food to plan for, work schedules to rearrange, but we had accomplished the mountainous task and were ready to celebrate.

Then came the snow. When I say it began snowing, I am not speaking of a light dusting, a windy whipping of flakes around the skies. I am speaking of the kind of storm weathermen long for, the one that they say "Be ready to be snowed in for a day" and the kind where the airports begin closing prior to the flakes flying!



Rachel and Aric, planning to arrive from New Mexico on Saturday,spent hours trying to convince an airline to find them a way to fly through. Naturally, there were a few thousand other people doing the same antics over the Internet and phone, but we only cared about two people not joining the family Christmas. How could the Snow be coming down this fast and this furiously on the ONLY day our family was set to gather? We had not counted on the snowfall in all of our scheming.

Becca and Steve decided to believe it when the weather predictions said it would worsen throughout the day, so packed their packages, dog, babies and car and began the snow covered trail over the river(Schuylkill)and through the woods to grandmother's house! They came!


What fun the twins had in the snow together, the dads alternating between shoveling and pulling sleds, the moms running back and forth to take pictures, and Grammy heating up hot cocoa and getting warm places ready to hang mittens on!!



Sunday found us snowed in with piles of at least 10" of the white fluff, but a blue sky and determined hearts brought the rest of the family into the festivities. One by one they came, ending up with a house full of 12 adults , 13 children , 2 dogs a cat and a grandmother who was loving her family united again.

The New Mexico family remained stuck in an airport, but the feijoada was delicious, the beer, wine and soda stayed cold in snowbanks,and I got my annual grand baby couch picture.


Ahhhh, life is good.
Christmas was not at all how I planned it.
It was better.

'Tis the season!

Christmas season is a time when I bring out alot of traditional decorations, ornaments and boxes filled with treasures from years gone by. Things have accumulated over the years, causing quite a large amount of work. Seriously, bringing out the old stuff and sorting through it is NOT my favorite part of the holiday! Eliot, Simon and Jesse all came to help me [aka Grammy ], sort things this year, and the joy and wonderment of their discoveries from last year certainly added an element of fun to the task.


Nora and Bianca were here as well, and I found Nora busily rummaging through a pile of stockings and bright red Santa hats, until she discovered a stocking with the word Nora scrawled across the top. Such relief, "Here's mine Grammy!!" she exclaimed in her big girl 5 year old voice. Bianca, even at three, had no idea what all the fuss was about, and she just kept dashing back and forth between the kitchen box pile and living room stocking pile.

After the kids left I had the work left still to accomplish: taking down the autumn leaves and Thanksgiving decorations and packing them away, deciding which pictures I could live without staring at for the next month , stashing things in places I would most likely not remember- all were part of the day's activities.


Of course in order to find room for the variety of Christmas treasures, I had to eliminate some older things, like perhaps that Santa with a baseball bat(broken) and one foot? he could go. I pitched out the tiny McDonald's give away stocking that had a cartoon character on it from another century, and an old candy cane stuck on the inside. How about Joshua's broken down toy train? Can't get rid of that yet because he might want to keep it for his kids someday, plus Ethan really loved putting the thing together when he came over on Sunday , so how can I throw that away? Tons of acquired ornaments crammed one box, so I didn't even open it, just set it aside for another day's sorting process, maybe the day I eventually got myself to the tree place and chose this year's beauty.

Speaking of beautiful trees, I don't even have room for a tree in my crowded living room, and besides, who cares? The kids have set into motion their own traditions, from going to the other relatives side to starting traditions we never embraced-the Jesse tree, the town parade, the Christmas plays, early morning wake up calls ....each family with it's own bent on Christmas. I even have one who is a non practicing Jewish/Christian family , sort of. What they do or not is beyond me, but not sure a tree in my house would impact their world right now. The cost, well , that could be a paragraph in itself! Who should spend $45.00 ot the minimum on a temporary 3 week decoration?Insanity! You are talking to a woman who had to work all summer at day camp after school, and still can't seem to find the funds for replacing either the furnace or sputtering van in the driveway! I repeat, insanity!



This past weekend I was decorated, had sorted out the stuff, made my home as close to the memories of warm and fuzzy as I could get, and a new tradition was being changed.



Becca and I have gone to a cabin in the woods on the first weekend in December and written Christmas cards, for as many years as Steve has gone hunting with his friends. Many.


This year, neither she nor I could gather the necessary money for such a luxury(albeit a delightful one!) so we decided to create cards at my home and play the music and light the candles and drink the cocoa in a different setting. The only thing I refused to allow Becca was to experience with the twins the campfire scene at night. I can be quite over-protective :-). As if by a scheduled super calendar, the snow began falling mid- afternoon. Some things are just gifts.

My life is very much a parallel to the Christmas season. Some good years, some not that great. Too much clutter, a bit emaotionally charged at times....some memories needing to be dropped, some traditions ok to hang onto. I love Christmas.

The tree? Happening today or tomorrow, cash or not, you can be certain of that.
The traditions? Changing as I go forward year to year, some better, some not as good, but remaining flexible to the possibilities I may not be aware exist.
The memories? Trying to trash the ones that bring me sadness, and embellish the ones that bring me JOY.
The boxes upon boxes of stuff? Not as easy to pare down to simply what is necessary, since I am emotionally wound tighter than a string of lights thrown into the box last season.
The reason for this writing and this season of Christmas?

"And again, Isaiah says, The root of Jesse will spring up, one who will arise to rule over the nations: the Gentiles will Hope in HIM."
"May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him,
so that you may overflow with Hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.(Romans 15:11-13)

Thanksgiving Day, 2009

The traditionally American Turkey is slowly basting in the oven, the sweet potatoes are peeled, the potatoes cut and awaiting their turn to be turned on. The pies have been done for hours and they are quite the variety with each one more flavorful than the next. Pecan, pumpkin,sweet potato,apple,custard and mincemeat, a favorite of my Grandma Miller, what have I forgotten? Oh, and just in case someone never tasted mincemeat, it is truly made from meat-the suet of beef. Yes, yummy to be sure! Green bean casserole is such a necessity that even if one prefers another vegetable, say pearled onions in cream sauce or Brussels sprouts, the crowds would clamor for their green beans bathed in cream of mushroom soup, topped with french fried onion rings! Tradition. No arguments when that word is used, we all bow at the feet of tradition, depending on one's religion, family culture, or invitation only dining experience.



Where was I? Oh, the delicious dinner menu. That menu, or a similar one, is what a good portion of our friends and family are looking forward to consuming in a few short hours from now. It was written from my memory instead of my personal experience this year, and there are no smells and aromas wafting throughout the house, except for that hydrangea candle scent I am trying to use up before the Christmas fragrances of pine and cinnamon take over.

May I explain?

This year we have the privilege and joy of having family living in Philadelphia for all of the holidays approaching. They are my Brasilian nephew Sam and his wife Silvana and their two daughters Clarisse and 'Bibi'. They have recently arrived to work and are excited to experience all of the traditions of their new country first hand. We had planned a trip to North Carolina in my van , where we would see the South and Paul and his family, and celebrate a different kind of Thanksgiving! Please note the past tense and the fact that I am blogging instead of driving.



My van had a different agenda than my mind. Sometimes we work together in life, sometimes we do not. The little check engine light, accompanied by the vibrating engine parts, clued me in quickly to the van's attitude about any sort of long distance trip. I am even becoming aware that perhaps this van and I will be parting ways in the near future, that being determined after the Thanksgiving Holiday. Perhaps the van has not heard that all old cars Ribeiro go to giant scrap heaps of metal in Philadelphia and for a mere $100 cash?



So, the trip to North Carolina, Sam and family with Tia Sue going to see her grand babies- rearranged. As I type, Sam is driving the car of his newly acquired cousin Joel, and taking his first American Road Trip! Fun! Exciting! and I am home alone. The 'just in case' turkey breast is in the freezer, and the two single sons are fast asleep after hours of hard work at stressful jobs in the basement. [Don't worry, that's where they sleep]

I 'Face book status update' my situation,(OK culturally a cool way to talk to many friends in many places) I receive several invitations and I am amazed once again at the connection between expressing a problem and receiving a solution. My heart is too busy being thankful for these friends to be sad at the fact that I am home with no dinner plans!!

That's when it happened, this change-over from depressed and down to uplifted and excited! You see, I talk to God alot, and He and I are pretty much best friends, but He is also my God and Help in times of such needful situations. So I asked Him how a woman with 7 children can be alone with no family on Thanksgiving Day? This, I admit, done in a sad, negative and not really gleeful voice. Not a Thankful Heart mode, nope, not at all. Truthfully, it was a bit whiny and unthankful.

He waited.
I whined.

Two friends from my new church actually called me for the first time and reiterated what they had said on Facebook- "come on over and we can even come get you!" said they. Another friend called, offering to bring me the spare car that was in their driveway. My sister, single and states away called to check in on me to be sure I was OK. The one with NO children sleeping in her basement. Granted she has no basement, but you get the picture, don't you? I certainly was getting it and was fairly ashamed of the whiny voice thing.

I decided I might as well take down the Thanksgiving decorations and prepare for Christmas, that holiday about Jesus and His coming to earth to redeem by death and resurrection, those sinners. This sinner blogging about Thanksgiving actually. That fact alone, causes me untold thankfulness.




Out of the freezer came the turkey breast- who likes those legs and thighs anyhow? Into the pot of cold water with a cup of salt as instructed by daughter in New Mexico Rachel, who was waking up and calling to say Happy Thanksgiving to her mother before her 13 people plus Gramsie began eating in a few hours.

As I pondered about no turkey and no babies to hold on Thanksgiving Day, I also pondered about how many Thanksgivings I have been blessed with in the past and will be blessed with in the future.I looked at pictures and laughed at past jokes told. I prayed for my family in various and as sundry emotional and physical places throughout the United States and Brasil. I realized that all of those many children I had been given to love really do love me. In spite of our different outlooks, political parties, cars that work and don't, ages , and even experiences with God,
I am a loved mother and have many friends. I have a sister who knows from birth that I am nuts, and still talks to me often. I have a mother who usually is found in places I would rather be, and still can out cook any chef on Top Chef.



I have unapologetically 11, eleven grandchildren and for this year another two nieces to add into the mix! My home is heated and my dog and cat are fed. Sure, it's the 'store brand as cheap as I can find' brand, but they are fed!



My life is so full that in order to rest I must turn off the phone on such days as this and ignore the computer. I have talked to seven of my seven children today! Yes, I am most assuredly blessed. Of my in-law children, only one has not been spoken to and I heard his voice in the background, so I am counting that too- and there are 5 of them!

Thanksgiving is not about the dinner or the turkey or the invitations or the decorations. It is not about where I go or who I do NOT get to see. Thanksgiving became real for me when I decided in my head to make the best of a disappointment and turn of events. It is about who I can see in my family. If all of them were somewhere else, then it would have to be about someone else, but it can never be about ME.

More importantly, however, as God waits patiently and lovingly for me to realize what He knew all along, I am able to truly say to Him, my heart is full of Thanksgiving. I needed to thank God for what I had and could be to someone else.

I am thawing that turkey, I called my single kids with no dinner plans, I turned on my music, and I am hunting down the Christmas lights.

Let the holiday season begin!
Oh the difference in attitude. The attitude of gratitude.

Autumnal Musings

I am sitting at the computer with a movie blaring behind me and some of the characters are actually in control of the weather, one even named Storm. I don't recommend this movie, I am just tolerating it since the watcher of the movie is making me a pizza(from scratch).

That noisy cinematic stupidity reminds me that I love the fact that only God controls the weather.I know, random blog. I just feel so happy these fall days with the unpredictability of nature. The morning is now quite dark when I wake up and the cloudy darkness can either stay cloudy and dark or turn magically into the most beautiful sunny , blue- skied day!

It rained several days in a row last week, and I had been watching the trees turn from greens to oranges to yellows. Rain meant falling leaves and that meant no vibrant show of reds and oranges, the most brilliant of all fall color schemes! I was disappointed, but determined to make the most of the colors for that single moment in time instead of moaning about what 'might have been'.


The days were getting shorter and shorter with daylight disappearing after appearing to be there only a few short hours each day. Clouds hung heavy in the skies. Inside my little nest called Home , however, I felt a serene sense of warmth and calm, knowing that for every rainy day there was a roof over my head, a tea kettle to turn on, music to play , stories to be read. The time flies by and you become as in a cocoon. I wonder if sometimes little caterpillars do not want to become butterflies as they wait to grow up?

After the rain I noted a brilliant difference in colors outside, satisfied that God intended me to appreciate each stage for it's own value and worth.



I love autumn and I intensely dislike summer. I was taught not to use the word hate, so I will not say "I hate summer", but really, bugs, heat and humidity, mosquitoes, sweating, uncomfortable and ugly swimsuit needs, gardening requirements, my mind truly finds it difficult to find anything positive to say here. Even the idea about God intending us to enjoy each stage leaves me wondering why we must enjoy summer. Furthermore, I have tested this out for many years, since I am no spring chicken, and Fall is still my second favorite season of the four we are given.

I digress. The thoughts I had this evening were very much centered on God , as the Creator, Sustainer and Sovereign of the Universe and in particular of the weather patterns and seasonal changes.

Oh the depths of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!How unsearchable His judgements, and His paths beyond tracing out. Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His Counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay Him? For from HIM and through HIM and to HIM are all things, to HIM be the glory forever. amen. [Romans 11:33-36]

I know winter is coming soon. The blue jays appeared in my yard and they always herald the onset of food searching time. I think they are staking their claims on the neighborhood bird feeders. Then , as mentioned, the leaves have disappeared from the trees and are being piled up for noble purposes.








Winter has come quickly behind Halloween festivities for all 59 years of my life thus far, so I am fairly certain that it will follow this year. The weatherman told us today would be cold and rainy, but apparently God wasn't listening to them because it was a Perfect day for all things autumnal. Sunny, bright, slight breeze, a blue sky that made you want to search for clouds and hawks and airplanes flying by, trees shaking their limbs of the remaining leaves as if preparing for a new coat of snow.

Autumn is not the end of a year, it is not the end of summer, it is not the end of anything. It is just Autumn, Fall, Third Season of Four.

Perhaps when we refer to the Autumn of Life we should keep some of these things in mind, to ruminate on when another rainy day sneaks into the forecast. This is what it is, a rainy dreary day , ready to be filled with whatever creative activity we want to fill it with. It is not unplanned by the Creator, it is planned for our journey, for our enjoyment, for a cup of tea perhaps, or a good book.

Surely winter will arrive, the days will become cold and barren and maybe even lonely. Winter is my favorite season! so for me it is a time of withdrawal and rejuvenation and ruminations and enjoyment of nature. I love hearing the weatherman say "snow today in the forecast". I have memories of toboggans and flying saucers slipping down the slopes of snow, of hot cocoa and winter mittens and boots.

My regular thought during the dreaded long nights of winter is simply this: Spring is right around the corner.

On Friendships

Thoughts are filling my head of late on the value of a variety of significant friendships in a person's life. That may seem like an obvious statement , but my experience tells me that few people open themselves up to lots of friends. Most especially I am observing an even fewer who have friends in different sizes, shapes and colors !

When I was in my early 20's, quite a lifetime ago, I was thrilled to have girlfriends who had similar lifestyles- in those days we didn't have 'play dates' as they call them now, but we'd occasionally meet at a park or go to the same church or invite each other over for a cup of coffee while the kids played together. My needs were met by those select few, and we rarely disagreed or discussed anything controversial or world changing!

Then I entered my 30's and started accumulating more friends along the way, Judy was one of them, and she remains to this day. As a matter of fact, I will be meeting her in Lancaster today for an outing of brunch- we always end up eating together , always!- and shopping. We also always end up shopping for something extremely urgent, usually her catching up on a gift for one of My grand kids or daughters, whom she considers her own.


Our family lifestyle included several moves in the ensuing years, unless someone thinks 25 moves in 6 states and 2 countries isn't a factor that should be considered? It caused much need for flexibility in the friendship world of Sue, and so I became an avid writer of Christmas cards and datebook keeper extraordinaire! I sent birthday cards, anniversary cards, welcome to your new baby cards, any occasion was worthy of my attention and celebration whether I lived next door or a state away.

My need to communicate was fueled by my passion for my friends in former cities and places, my love for them, my desire to never let go of a former friend by replacing them with a newer model! These friends were my lifeline to normal and stable, breadcrumbs dropped along the path of life, so that if needed I could follow them back to safety and security. They became proof of my existence, even while the paths I followed seemed to be further and further from my original identity.I would tuck them into my knapsack and every once in awhile take them out and count them, reminding myself that indeed I was important. These thoughts particularly plentiful in the early months of each move, right before new friendships were forged.

My husband, of course, was the constant here in my changing world. He and I together adopted three sons and birthed five children from 1973 to 1988.He was my best friend, the one who didn't need to be placed in the datebook, for we were a united front and an unstoppable team. In 1988, our son Andy came along and he seemed the perfect son with which to finish our child rearing days. We then continued along life's path, moving even one more time, while our daughter Margie was headed to college, our daughter Becca remained miles away in Ohio, and our son Paul was preparing to graduate from the Air Force Academy in Colorado.

As I am writing and remembering these facts, my heart is breaking inside with the realization that what appeared to be a good choice, was, in fact,highly difficult for both children and parents. Friendships were stretched as we left my best friend in Ohio, Cindy, along with many dear friends grown for almost ten years, and then came to start new friendships in a new church, new state and new neighborhood. It did not even enter my head that my children's friendships would probably not survive the move, for I was too saddened and weary from my own losses.


My friendships were serious to me, a central theme in my full life of raising children and pastoring a church family with my husband. It was one of the elements that defined us, these friendships that spanned miles and miles of life and highways.
I wanted to love as well as I felt God loved me, trying to emulate His caring and constancy as best I could. It was the same energy that allowed me to raise seven children and be a foster mom to a few more, a drive from within given to me by the Master Planner of my universe, God Himself. Joy! Love! Fun times! These characterized our lives, for friendships and family were not burdensome but a gift.

Some friendships fared better than others, but my theory remained: if I keep these people in my circle, then my life will be richer and less selfish and secure. One friendship in particular was from our college days, the seemingly never ending couple to couple type that all married people enjoy! We reminisced whenever we got together, took vacations together, and raised kids in different styles. We were certainly a friendship that would never die, we had longevity and God on our side!



In the days when my husband first announced his decision to leave the marriage and family, I remember calling them on the phone and crying simply " David says he is leaving." They lived in South Jersey, almost 2 hours away from our Delaware home. In 2 hours and 10 minutes they drove into our driveway and enfolded us both in their arms, and stayed by my side throughout the following pain filled months as he faded away. Bill had thought of David as his very best friend , Annette was as close to him as a friend could be. What happened?

Life continues on, and friendships once considered vital to survival, sometimes have waned. During the transition of my life, from married with children to single with none, I have sorted and unpacked many pieces of baggage. Some of the baggage turned out to be friendships that meant nothing more than an annual Christmas Card. I knew that had to change when one year I decided NOT to send cards and many, many people never corresponded. It was my own personal litmus test of love, whether right or wrong. The next year my card list went from 175 former 'friends' to under 75.

Another friendship choice for me personally was not to increase my load. It was too painful, too hard to create a friendship with people who never had met my husband or even could possibly understand my previous existence. I was fine, thank you very much, with the remaining friends of former days. They had proven themselves faithful, had they not? How many could we have as aging caused even more changes in our lives, grandchildren began arriving in wonderful numbers(can I say here I have been granted 11 by God so far??) and time was of the essence??

Ah yes,I had it all figured out and my life is once again motoring along the path.Thanks God for giving me old friends because new ones take work and are a risk.

What I had not figured on was the love of God Himself shown me through some girlfriends who have never met nor even heard of David Ribeiro. What? Friends with women who are going to care about me, pray for and with me and love me with no husband attached, nobody who will be the 'better half' in the deal? How is that even possible when I have no energy to give, no datebook spaces left and no desire to make friends?



God is amazing me daily. He will not let go of my heart, my life, He will not stop leading me on a path that has curves and twists and turns and He does not need me to lay down any breadcrumbs.

I am astounded at His insistence in loving me as I am, broken and worn. I am going to need to stop telling Him what I can and cannot accomplish , and continue leaning on His strength for these friendships and the ones peeking at me from around the next corner.

Vacation from Work, not from Thinking

If I had Webster's Dictionary next to me, or if I knew how to go from writing a Blog to searching the Internet in one sleek movement, I would look up the meaning of Vacation.

It is most likely going to use the word respite, or relax, or perhaps break from normal.

As a background comment, my summer job this year included working part time hours for the School where I work full time during the year. It was an easy job, not much stress, and gave me time to enjoy more than a cup of coffee in the mornings. I was truly thankful to God for such a job as this!




However, the time frame element of summer camp was not the best, leaving me with one day between the school year and starting the Summer Camp , but it was an interesting first year of operation for this Camp and the experiences were Fun! I needed a Break.

The problems for me began when we ended the summer job on August 14, and our official 3 week vacation began before the beginning of a new school year! Vacation simply means Vacation, which simply means Go Someplace. Take scads of pictures of unique and wonderful places, share with everyone when you return all about your Vacation, and Do NOT do normal activities! No Way.

The children need babysitting for the grand kids? "I am so sorry,I am busy,I am on Vacation."

"I won't be able to come to church and attend our Bible Study group this week, have you heard? I am on Vacation!"

The cat and dog getting food on a semi-daily basis? Well, since I am on Vacation, I had better make sure the sons are checking in regularly to feed the animals. "OK throw a few flakes of food into the fish bowl as well."

My best girlfriends , who usually only have availability on weekends when their other life activities aren't a priority, certainly must be anxious to see me, spend time with me, talk to me...it's my Vacation. I have OFF three weeks, we can arrange something, to be sure.

Maybe I will drive to South Carolina and spend time with my oldest son and his family, especially visiting again my newest number 11 precious grandson.

Of course it is an 11 hour drive to the place where they are staying now, the other parents home. I have an older van to take the trip in , and coincidentally the summer heat wave has decided to plant itself firmly on the entire east coast, which normally is not a problem. I do not have any air conditioning in the van, however, and the heat has never been tolerated well by my upstate New York body. As I wait for the heat wave to break, the days do seem to be passing by fairly rapidly.

Two of my daughters took a trip there last week and rented a 15 passenger van to accomplish their Vacation goals. It was a Sisters Gathering in Myrtle Beach , and lasted a full 8 days of air-conditioned van rides and beaches and fun! I was truly happy for them , all the time looking forward to a similarly enjoyable Vacation of my own.



It has been suggested by those in my life who love me and want to help solve my life struggles, that I rent a vehicle. Now that summer job I mentioned? Well, the money I earned for working this summer is slowly accumulating for a purpose- to purchase another newer vehicle should this steady non air-conditioned one break anytime soon! To use the cash for such a temporary purpose seems unwise. I am all about wisdom.

Tennessee is where my siblings and mom reside, about an 11 hour ride out West toward more heat. I could go visit them for my Vacation, since I haven't seen some of them in awhile. Same wisdom utilized.

I am fairly smart,really, in spite of the inner workings within my active brain.

I am fully aware of the Enemy of my Soul tapping on my shoulder as he is planted firmly in my life. There are some who might dispute the world of spiritual warfare, and I would not be one of them. I have seen very up close and personally how something that God began as a good thing , has been ripped and torn and nearly shredded apart from the claws of the Roaring Lion . My God Glorifying, Loving and Worshipping Family, my own precious Covenant household of Faith has been under attack for almost 8 years, and there is no sign of it ending.

There is a passage in Habakkuk in the Old Testament of the Bible that says:

"Though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails, and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour. The Sovereign Lord is my strength, He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights." Habakkuk ends with these words.

I will paraphrase this passage for my current life condition:

"Though the weeds in my garden overtake my flowers, though my two tomato plants shriveled up and died,and my pepper plants look pathetic. Though the animals who at one time comforted me continue to cause me work and frustration, and the sons who are my youngest struggle with poor choices and unwise activities, I will rejoice in the Lord. Though I stay home on my Vacation and have no breaks from the mundane world of singleness I find myself living in, I will be joyful in God my Husband and Saviour. Though the enemy waits nagging and trying to make me discontent with my daily routine, I will be thankful and thank God for His guiding Hand of Love and kindness, for His granting me good health and Happy times with grandchildren,for His giving me a job to pay my bills and a circle of friends to laugh with. The Sovereign Lord is my strength. The Covenant God of Habakkuk is my Hope. The Lord is my Shepherd, I will lack nothing."







Two weeks left of my Vacation, time from work and people who do not really care about whether I am rested or stressed. I am going to Rest in the Lord. I am going to be content to feed the silly cat, annoying dog and never-die fish. I have 14 days more to read books and more time to relax in the beautifully air conditioned home the Lord has given me! I am absolutely certain that when my van squeals for the very last time,the Lord will have me able to purchase another one with all the dollars I have carefully laid aside. Wisdom has a good and practical side.

The Emptying Nest

Sometimes I use my grandchildren as an excuse.

They are so little and fun and filled with vim and vinegar. (Now that is a saying from way back when! and what is vim?)The hours I am with them are consumed with action, physical action at it's best. We run and walk and jump. We build trains and fill buckets with dirt and mud and water. We splash in the water, or alternatively, we dump it out so we can refill it again! Often we pause to sit and giggle at our favorite TV shows, like Baby Einsteins or Handy Mandy who casually speaks with his tools in both English and Spanish and they in like manner answer him back! We watch Baby Bear, who as it turns out and admitted by mom, teaches us good manners.







Ah yes, playing with grandchildren is an exercise in love and joy and peace.We have fun.

The 8 Northern babies are here often, Ethan every Sunday, the rest sporadically strewn throughout the days as unpredictably as my garden seeds strewn about my flower garden this year. A little here, a little there. Flowering nicely , albeit with little purpose or organization.






The dilemma that I find myself facing , when the grands are with their own families and in their own environment and activities is this: How do I activate my own personal life in such a way so that I am available at the drop of a hat, a phone call of need , a snap of the finger of parental whim, while at the same time I am not EXPECTING to be visited or included in these same parent schedules? I found that difficult to phrase properly, and even more difficult to live out well.

The complexities that enter into this life dynamic are so many and so intertwined that to sort them could easily unravel an entire infrastructure of misunderstandings with a single pull!

Yesterday, for instance, is an example of what is happening in my world. I wanted to babysit for a day and an overnight my twin grandchildren. In my mind it was a worthy request and would serve the purpose of allowing for parental breaks as well as grandmotherly love purposeful and planned, rather than spontaneously attached to a shopping trip or a park adventure. [Oh, and we had one of those this week, which is just another story waiting to be told.]

Why did it end up feeling like a kidnapping with stress attached and serious misunderstandings of motives unraveling around me? I had planned things well, it seemed so noble and simple, and I love these children more than I have ever loved anyone since my own eight popped into my world?? Why indeed? now there is the problem of which I speak.

Here is the answer, and hear it well. Because the priorities of young parents is to grow their families their own way, and I already had my turn.

I began this thought process saying that I use my grandchildren as an excuse. I heard myself say and think that a few sentences back. For someone with no memory, I am pretty good at remembering the annoying things.

I also mentioned activating my own life, separate from the lives of my kids and grand kids, while at the same time being available to them should they need or want me.

I have found myself waiting to be the perfect Grammy while forgetting that I already am the person God wants me to be. I already have been called to fulfill a commission given me by God , while at the same time occasionally serving as Grammy besides!

How often do I connect with another grandmother-type friend only to be told that 'perhaps' we can get together, or go on this or that adventure....but first 'let me check if the kids need me to babysit' or 'maybe I will need to be available to the grand kids.' This just reinforces my thinking that my first priority should be to my grand kids, rather than to myself or for my intended purpose.


I think, after much reflection and even more prayer, that the secret to my own safe personal flight from my very empty nest is this: Love the Lord my God first, being who HE wants me to be. Love myself next- for isn't the greatest commandment to first love the LORD your God and second to love your neighbor AS YOURSELF?? Realizing finally that my best and closest neighbors are my children and grandchildren, I reserve and express my remaining love for them as well!




Grandchildren excuses have now become motivation! I am being motivated to love them best by loving myself more! God loves me best and HE is love, so I will try to follow His example and love well.

I have always loved the verses found in Isaiah 40, especially verse 31: but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.




I am beginning to soar.

News Flash- Baby Boy Born Beautiful!!

Shouldn't the world stand still for a time? Shouldn't the sun shine brighter and the breezes blow a bit more gently? Shouldn't the stores close and the shop keepers go home? Shouldn't the friends along my way be begging me for a picture, a story, a word about this great event? I am certain the newspapers have nothing more important to report, and even if they do, my news should be on page one, Headlines. I am quite sure I heard more birds singing more beautiful songs this week, and those flowers I saw along my way have been brighter and more vivid in color.



My heart is sad for the women in my peer group : friends, strangers, family, anyone who is the least bit over the latest child-bearing age, without grandchildren.

The world stops and another newer, brighter, happier sweeter time of life emerges as the first grandchild thrusts itself out of it's mother's very secure womb. At first we are not sure, we hesitate, wondering if death is around the corner, if our knees will suddenly begin crippling, if the people we pass on the street will look at us like, heaven forbid, we are OLD. The baby is cute, looks like her side or his side of the family. He is colicky, she is calm, he is fat and chubby, she is blue eyed or pimply. He or she is looking at me, I think. Those are the first few random thoughts we have as new grandparents.

Then it happens. Out of nowhere, unannounced, uninvited, unexpected, it happens. We rearrange our lives, schedules change at a moment's notice, sick days are used up at work, vacations suddenly include new ideas of shared destinations, more rooms, paid for by doting parents. The drive of a half an hour, or two or seven becomes easily made without complaint when once it took 'forever' to drive the same distance.

What caused these sudden lifestyle changes? Was it mid-life crises or inheritances being anticipated or even received? Was it careers becoming fulfilled and at the top of our list of life goals?

It is simpler than that, more subtle, more invasive. It is a grandchild. We cannot be stopped, we are grandparents on a mission!! We will accomplish our goals of seeing, holding, playing with and watching any event including the name, picture or being of our grandchild!








When you meet another grandparent or gather with friends who are grandparents, there is an unspoken understanding of camaraderie and connection. You are wise beyond your years, naturally, so if someone doesn't have a grandchild, the words are not spoken, the pictures stay tucked in the pockets and purses. You talk about the weather, or the latest book you have on your bedside table. There are so many nice things to speak of with friends.








However, should you be in contact with another grandparent, and should the conversation be anywhere near the topic of cute, pretty, smart or talented...watch out! We remain so polite and we act so interested, but we are secretly knowledgeable and smug because without any doubt, whatsoever, our grandchild just IS. Is smarter, cuter, more adorable in glasses, sweeter, funnier, happier, more talented, had more horrible experiences in school, while maintaining their much better attitudes, and the list goes on.




What prompts my keen observations this morning is the main event of my world. He is now a week old, cuter than anything I have seen on Facebook or in photos distributed on the trendy websites of photos.



Baby Luke Gabriel was 10 little pounds of cute, so that alone must mean something important. He opened his eyes when I came into the room to meet him, again, quite significant.
His father is my firstborn son and if I start telling you about that life experience, we would be here all day! Suffice it to say, that when I held this baby in my arms, there was a flashback in time unlike any I had previously experienced with the other 10 (ten) I repeat, 10, grandchildren!



Watching my son tenderly talk to his son touched a part of my heart that had been nicely partitioned off lately. My inner conversations with God, Creator of my children and grandchildren, Sovereign Lord of my history and past pain, listened and comforted me. He gave me another reason to trust Him, to love Him, to be secure in His ways and plans for my life and it's direction.




I am a blessed woman, a servant of the Lord who has seen much mercy, much kindness and goodness, much joy. May I always remember that God has a plan for me. I read in God's Word in 2 Samuel these words:


O Lord God, You are God and Your words are true, and You have promised this goodness to Your servant. Now therefore, let it please You to bless the house of Your servant, that it may continue before You forever : for You , O Lord God,have spoken it, and with Your blessing let the house of Your servant be blessed forever.