I have not posted any scribblings in awhile, mainly because my thoughts are so jumbled and plentiful, good mixed with not so good, simply swirling around and never quite settling into a single subject of interest.If I can't sort them out, how can I write about them? Of course for someone who likes to sort, the writing is the sorting, so here I am again.
There was a huge wind blowing on Saturday and my two wind chimes were clanging and banging and the sound was melodious but not a song I knew the words to. It wasn't a definitive melody, but it caught my attention more than once. The strength of the wind was gusty and bold, and somehow, as Dorothy reminds me, I am not in Kansas anymore.
When I was a young mother raising seven little ones, it seems I had envisioned many things in my planning of the future. As Aunt Emma in the Wizard of Oz, I am a fine Christian woman and so naturally my belief is that God is in charge of the future , and my responsibility is to trust Him and hang on as long as I can, then trust Him more and let Him hold me for the duration. I am definitely at the letting Him hold me part of my life.
I particularly am noting that my assumptions and plans are all being blown to smithereens and leaving me weary in their wake.
One of my assumptions was that if any of my children dared to move very far away, they would miss me so much that a weekly phone call would be part of my routine.I would eagerly await the call, set aside my afternoon tea with cookies, and give my undivided attention and advice to the problem of the week. I was the Mom and that was what moms did.
Another really obvious event that would be occurring as we grew older and got married and such, was the Holiday routine. Having a family dinner and gathering for fun and laughter would be what happened, no matter how busy our lives became. OF COURSE it would be hosted by the Matriarch(me) and especially since the Patriarch(dad) up and left us high and dry,so to speak. He is gone, we are here, no flood rocked our boats, just abandonment. Perhaps an In-Law would be included in the Family Dynamic but without any doubt, the meal would be My domain.
Allow me to say here that I am , in fact, a decent cook. I know how to stretch the dollar and the pot and end up with a very large, tasty meal. This all on the table hot and ready to serve to as many as the table would hold, usually 10-15. People ask me for recipes,that is a sure sign of a good cook , isn't it? This cannot be the reason for the absences at the family table.
Grandchildren would clamor to spend Sunday afternoons with me and so during our weekly visits I would be sure to tell them in advance of their uncle or aunt's impending phone call, mentioning that it was our tradition. I might occasionally have dinner ready, after all, the Paternal Family Tradition is Macarronada every Sunday afternoon at Vovo's house, so perhaps we should carry that over. My own family memory is a savory pot roast and all the trimmings ready after morning worship, but I am willing to fore go my tradition for the good of the family. We mothers do those kinds of sacrifices.
Sadly, I have little recall of my childhood, a fact that has frustrated me for years. One memory I do have, however, is the Sunday afternoon drive. Dad loaded us up in the nine passenger station wagon, and off we went. The end was always well known and expected, even after miles of driving around, Shindagin Hollow Road here we come! Grandma Miller always had some sort of goodies to reward us for the trip, large sugar cookies being my personal favorites. I cherished these trips and assumed that all families spent Sundays driving to grandparent homes for hugs and playing and treats.
Did I mention there was a Christmas tradition too? Grandmothers made the dinner after the early morning gift opening was completed. The snow, the wind, the ice, the cold, nothing got in the way of the trip to Grandmother's house for her delicious and extraordinary dinner. Chicken gravy over hot homemade biscuits, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, turkey, apple and mince pies, the list went on and on. There was nothing that she lovingly and single handedly prepared that wouldn't melt in your mouth and secure her place in your heart.
Back to my reality and not living in Kansas anymore. There is very little in my world these days that even vaguely resembles what I assumed would be happening. Processing it and living happily with that reality has been the truly difficult part of being an empty nester whose mate flew the coop 7 years ago.
It appears that the odds are not greater for spending time with your family just because you have lots of children. It almost seems the odds decrease because everyone thinks mom has it covered by somebody else and we'll fit her in another time.
I am still waiting for those weekly phone calls , wishing now that perhaps once a month would be the traditional time gap, and frankly I would be thrilled if once every other month I heard a voice that didn't sound like a bill collecting computer.
Holidays come and holidays go and if I am clever enough to stick my personal and specific invitation in the slot before the in-laws grab the notion, I may or may not end up with a meal at my house. Somehow the assumption that the matriarch has priority has been one of my more foolish and outdated thoughts, expressed clearly to me by several offspring. Times are changing and the need to establish their own families which does not necessarily include the Matriarch has been clearly stated more than once.
Weekly visits to Grammy's house are merely a figment of my imagination of possibilities for another time. Lives are full, schedules are made weeks in advance, children have needs, parents want privacy, cool friends claim spaces once occupied by grandparent bonding experiences.
Deal with it has become a very fashionable thought.
Sometimes I really wish Glinda the Good Witch would appear and click her heals and say the magic words and the sugar cookies and I would fly to the land of Make Believe with poppies and emeralds and monkeys that fly.
Now that is definitely something that might attract a visit to my house!
