My Comic relief

I love my grandchildren.




Most grandparents admittedly seem to be in a private club whose entry is exclusive and unspoken. Until you have a grandchild, and become a member, your inward mockery of these blathering grammy's and grampy's is obvious. You quietly listen to their stories and then fake smile. I know because I used to do it.





That was Pre-E, of course, before 2001 when my world rocked and rolled and threatened to tip upside down with the waves and stormy weather. On the horizon there was a little fish named Eliot who emerged oh- so- quietly, swimming into view. As he grew , then was joined by brothers and sisters and cousins, my world finally settled down and my boat righted itself and the inevitable capsizing never happened.















Today I spent another Sunday with the seventh wonder of my world, Ethan. I pick him up around 9:15 am , load him into his carseat and off we drive to "Grammy's Church". Other people might think of it as Heritage Presbyterian, but I think Ethan will always call it Grammy's Church. In fact, I am pretty sure that soon it will be referred to as "OUR Church".

I hadn't babysat him in a couple of weeks, and the difference in his vocabulary was astounding.
" Where you going, mommy?" he yelled out the window as we drove off..."to work at the store?" " daddy's at work at the bank", he continued, " the one with the big orange lion."
Each Sunday as we drive through Wilmington, and past the ING Building , I point out this same orange lion and he waves to daddy as we sail by, then on the return trip we wave once again. Our traditions are becoming facts of his young life.

Today was a verbal, filled with wonder kind of day and I was smart enough to stop and smell the roses, so to speak. Especially as he decided to water my roses , and this amused him for at least half of an hour. "More water, Grammy" he would say as the water trickled out, controlled by my frugal need to conserve.





"Do you hear that owl?" he wondered out loud, listening intently. Sure enough, there in the distance were the gentle cooing noises of mourning doves, the very similar sounding birds to his noted owl friends. I have a feeling his Mom-Mom might have been teaching early bird sounds on her times with him, or perhaps mommy remembered how fun it is to listen and identify birds?!

Naptime was certainly one of the more hilarious moments of our day, not as stressful as I recall my own children's naptimes being. Maybe because with age comes prioritizing, and the urgency and need for those same naps takes a back seat to the urgency and need to spend time with my precious ones. I thought laying him down was rather easy, and this was made clear 5 minutes later when a little person crawled down the stairs and into the livingroom where I sat reading!

His lunch activity included buttering his own piece of bread, and to my delight , he seemed to know exactly what to do, even licking the knife!





After lunch, Ethan picked up a small wooden birdhouse I have around for activities with the grands for painting and crafting. There was a small opening for the little bird to go in. "oh" he pondered, "can my Raffie fit in this hole?" referring to our ever present Giraffe without whom sleep is not possible. "Nope" says I. "Well, then can a baby elephant?" Oh my. "Yes" I said unhesitatingly, after looking into the sweetest little eyes on this planet.

Speaking of eyes, are you rolling yours yet?? Oh wait, there is more.

Last week I was at the park for a Memorial Day picnic with some of my other grands. Their parents felt the need to drive them there or it would have been just them and me. Evelyn and Aidan wanted to ride a bike on a surface besides their own 3' x 10' patio, so the highlight of their day was going to be the ride. This came immediately after the fishing experience and before the watermelon eating.









As we drove by the horses grazing I mentioned to Evie how they were eating some nice hay. Without a moment's hesitation she retorted lovingly, "Oh, just like baby Jesus!"



Last week Evie fell off her livingroom couch, according to mom Becca, as she and Aidan were bouncing. There is no judgement here when I ask, at this juncture, "what the heck are 2 year olds bouncing on a couch for?!!" Did I mention the phone call regarding The 'bounce and fall' was at 7:30 am?? Ok, to their mom's credit, I suppose, they had been up since 6:00 am and apparently acivities were running low....

Where was I? Oh, Evie and I spoke on the phone and I told her of course Grammy would be sending a band-aid in the mail immediately."OK" she sniffled. That night[and every night since] as she said her good night prayers with her parents , she was heard to say, " and bless the band-aid Grammy is sending me."

When God promises to bless His people and their future generations, I never imagined He meant that part of the blessing is the complete JOY they would bring us as we teach them and love them and walk with them on this earth for a time.

Thank you, Oh Sovereign and Wonderful God, for Eliot,Simon,Jesse,Nora,Isabel,Ava, Ethan,Bianca,Aidan and Evelyn and little boy, grandchild #11 coming in 6 weeks!!

They are the reason that my month of May was one of the best ones yet!

Good bye 58

I always thought it would be an interesting thing to talk about each year of life as it happened. Unfortunately, I thought of this idea when I was leaving age 58, like TODAY.


My assumption is that people who write their own biographies must be tracking their daily drama in a better fashion than I, or at least have tremendously good memories. My memory is very bad and I am not exxagerating one bit of badness with that comment. In order to recall what I have written previously on this blog, for instance, I must review prior to a new post. Pretty depressing, believe me, and since it is from years and years ago I have had this problem, it is no less annoying today than it was yesterday! I should be used to it, but alas, I am shocked daily at it's far reaching implications.

I would love to review here what I enjoyed, hated, learned, or experienced from age 58, throughout the year of 2008-2009. Loving to blog and write out my thoughts would be so much nicer to read and more interesting than what my short term memory allows. Makes living in the moment take on new meaning!

I am surprised to be headed toward the next (6Th) decade. I was sure that mine would be an early departure from this earth, and by today's standards of longevity it still may be. My dear friend Katherine Thorn, who died last fall at the age of 102 may have thought similarly, but when I spoke with her about older living about 10 years ago, she said,"I am just as surprised as anyone" to be alive. Maybe we each will be surprised when we wake up and discover the God of the Universe looking at us, answering all of our inquiries of life in that one glance.



Nevertheless,(oh I do like that word!)my last year of life was interestingly boring. No dramatic events stick out in my mind, rather a series of age-related happenings. I had several friends lose their parents, and that is definitely sobering. No matter if we want to think about our age or not, it means our generation is becoming next in the circle of life and death, we are the nearest ones to the grave. Perhaps that is why the Mid-Life Crisis escalates the more that deaths hit closer to home.

Since I am dying anyhow, have I really lived well? Am I seriously a person who thinks God holds the answers to life and death in His Hands, or has that been a front for the real person underneath? The person underneath the skin begins to emerge, at first timidly, then in full force popping to the surface and making some dramatic choices. Since the grave is closing in rather rapidly, my flight or fight mechanism engages with little warning.

I have seen and been impacted by some of these choices first hand and with much interest have been observing others over the last 8 years. My husband, for instance, chose to leave. Leave, as in, vamoose, gone, disappeared. Eight years of trying to forget the pain leaves me able to chuckle about his losses, not mine. Now that is God's grace right there!

Other choices my friends and acquaintances have made surround me: go back to school, get a really nice,{translation : expensive and flashy} new car,live in another place part-time while maintaining the same relationship, golfing more, working more intensely, terminating the church experience, beginning the church experience, adopting a new child, ignoring the ones I have, blaming these same children(after all if they were 'better' wouldn't I be less stressed and old feeling?), making my garden way prettier than your garden....oh, believe me, the list goes on and on if you are watching carefully!!





Where was I ? Oh, I remember now, after I reread this thing...choices and aging and here I am about to turn 59.

I choose to have the woman emerging be consistent with the woman who God has allowed to live 58 years on this really interesting earth. I am passionate about loving my children and now grandchildren well. I am trying to figure them all out as they age, so that I can adjust my loving them to meet their changing needs, and that has been a huge challenge for me. These little people are having little people and they do not need me in the same way they used to. They tell me they do not need me at all, but I just say OK, and know that is not true. They simply need me to be the consistent , God centered, wounded yet limping forward woman they think I am.

I still hate missing any birthday, anniversary, celebratory anything occasion for anyone. I still take pictures of them when they are mad at me, happy with me, or looking their worst. I still hate gardening unless it is on my own terms, i.e. ignore the weeds and focus on the flowers, then take their pictures a hundred times!! I still go to church and remind them to prioritize it as well. I still react before I engage my brain, my mouth and voice escalating as my passion increases. This is still considered yelling by all of these many children, much to my annoyance. I still want to love God more, serve Him better, share His love more consistently. I still love dogs, cats, fish and creatures that are sad or lonely, including children. I still would adopt more children if one stood at my door and said 'will you?".




Am I in Mid-Life Crisis Mode? I think perhaps only God can determine that answer since He alone knows the moment of my death. However, based on my observations and experiences, it is a safe assumption for me to treat leaving 58 as if it were my last year. I will be on this earth loving my babies who call me Grammy, and my kids who call me Mom, for a very short time compared to an eternal life with God. The catechism says "What is the chief end of man"" and the answer is, as even my sweet Evie knows well, "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever".

In the meantime, year 58 was wonderful! It turns out that my underneath the skin person is indeed the same person that is on top of my skin. I still want friends and family surrounding me and loving me and I want God to be proud of me. I still want a better camera and a more obedient dog.



Well, about the dog...maybe age 59.

Television, Computers and my heart

I have not written in awhile , and even now I wonder at the purpose of writing to the unknown blog world. Sometimes, though, my heart is so filled with emotions, I must write for the dam not to overflow.

Yesterday while on the Internet I read of a depressed soldier who had killed 5 fellow soldiers in Iraq. It would be just as tragic if it were at home in the USA, but the added distance factor felt particularly sad for the families involved. My former sister-in-law Karen is safe, thank God, as she is at that same base.

Then I heard of a 6 year old boy run down while playing in the street, by a randomly careless person, who fled the scene. Thankfully, not near my city, nor anyone I know.

On my friend's Facebook page was news of and request for prayer for a 9 year old seriously hurt in an accident. I think he is healing.

My friend Pam has been driving back and forth to Virginia this week as her dad had a serious illness, and he is an older gentleman, so her fear factor kicks in at an unwanted and more rapid rate.My dad is gone already, empathy kicks in.

A deck of party goers collapsed this week in NJ sending many ambulances scrambling to the scene. Nobody died, so that one is OK.

My co-worker had her 50 year old girlfriend trip as her foot caught in her pants cuff, sending her tumbling down the stairs, causing a head hit that concealed a blood clot, which 2 days later gave her a stroke. She lies in the hospital on a ventilator with an unknown future. Not my friend.

Last night I watched the television series 24. Jack Bauer seems to always be saving the world from disaster while enduring great personal discomfort. He is the series hero, no doubt, with many followers. In one particularly gruesome scene, he pummeled his old friend Tony, trying to coerce information from him, all the time himself dying of a radiation exposure illness.
I was left filled with emotional stress, heart pumping, anticipation for the next hour to tick by....

What is happening here to the heart and soul of the human race? To MY heart and soul?? Which events that I just described evoked more compassion or pain or burdened your emotions? Which tragedy tugged at your heart, caused tears to fill your eyes or made you want to know more? Have you discovered or searched any further to know names of victims, circumstances of families, longed for addresses to send a card of comfort or a word of kindness to?

Have you seen if 24 is a new episode next week for the finale or just a rerun, whether it is a two hour special or only a final one hour?

I do not want to stop watching Jack save the world.
I do not want to stop reading and watching the news.
I do not want to stop caring for people.

But seriously, where is the heart and soul headed if we do not make a concerted effort to think about the real people, the hurting lives around us, the homes hit by sadness that only God can heal?

Maybe that is what we have summer reruns for - a good time to care about the people outside the BOX.