Tomorrow is Father's Day in the USA. I happen to know it is not in Brazil, of course, because for years I would purchase a Father's Day card for my husband's dad in June and set it aside until the proper Brazilian festivities in November.
Since I do live in the USA and it is Father's Day, I allow myself the luxury of dredging up memories and sorting out those feelings again, the ones that happen on this occasion, his birthday and his date of death. Not bad that I only focus for three days on Paul Arthur, since there was a time a short 8 years ago when I figured I would never NOT think about him and be sad. Turns out time does heal wounds, replacing those raw wounds with nicely healing scars.
I never remember Dad expecting anything from us kids on Father's day. I know I sent him a card as I got older and went away to college, but really, when I was younger I am not even sure the holiday existed! This should be an indicator of my advanced age!
Dad was just dad and of course we loved and appreciated him! What would I need a Sunday in June to tell him for? Good grief, the things people find a cause to purchase gifts for has grown to ridiculous!! maybe I wasn't as adamant in may for Mother's Day, but I truly think the same for that holiday as well. It is just another day to load on guilt feelings for not doing 'enough' to prove love.
As I was sipping my non-alcoholic beverage(does that not sound tons better than my cup of coffee??!)I reflected lovingly on dad and how much I loved and missed him. Dad was very quiet and well loved my many, but he had a touch of sarcasm at times and often would ignore you if you didn't stare at him and clear your throat a few times for attention. See ? he wasn't perfect, he was just the only dad I had so everything he did was my ideal father image.
Dad loved golf, and as he aged I saw that passion take on a more important role in his retired world. I think he loved it more because he was such a hard worker for so many years, raising us kids, being married,living in the high taxes state of New York, and eeking out a living since he was in high school. He and mom had me when they were 19 years old!![and that is down-right sobering]. So, finally in retirement, dad could delight in his golf matches, television shows and even be a retired worker on the course! I am so happy he had that.
I wonder how especially loved by God my dad must have been , for he died on his favorite hole on that same favorite golf course on May 3, 2001...
Sometimes I have memories of him coming home from his Pressman job and washing, eating supper and heading back out for another part-time job helping people with something important. When you are a child you don't even care what the dad does, you just expect to be loved, cared for, provided for and occasionally find treats in his lunchbox. That's all.
One observation I realize I could make that might be considered unusual in our present culture, was his insistence on helping the Church. Dad never missed dressing in his suit and tie, polishing his shoes and all of us kids' shoes Saturday nights, and attending church Sunday morning,Sunday evening and Wednesday evenings. He never worked on Sundays, nor was it required of him, and he always prioritized all church events. A Saturday work day? he was there, and usually with the rest of us wee workers!! A special Business meeting on a Thursday night always found him eating a hasty supper and jumping into the station wagon and taking off down our long driveway. He served the Church as Elder, Sunday School Superintendent, Deacon, Trustee and janitor-unpaid. Those are just the roles and titles I remember when I was not paying attention!
What I thought much about this morning , though, was rather what made me think of dad as a Good Dad. One whom I feel lost without. What were the qualities or habits or character traits that made him seem like Superman in my once young, now getting old firstborn daughter's hazel eyes?
Here is where it gets interesting, too. Last night there was a television show about a retired man and wife who sold their home, went off traveling and lived away from their children. The husband ultimately killed his wife but pretended she ran out on him,this not being discovered for about 20 years.(I know , what has this got to do with anything??)
The three daughters all had totally different feelings, memories and thoughts on Dad and his former life and also their Mom! Totally!! As I watched fascinated, it became clear to me that perceptions are not equal to truth! Perceptions of who someone is or how they are on any given day are just that- your own personal perceptions!!
Truth then , is different from perceptions and feelings, because we cannot all have different feelings and still be proclaiming the Truth.
In the Bible, in the book of John and chapter 17 there is a prayer Jesus Christ prayed for Himself, the Disciples and for me, and all believers. It is worth a read. The verse right before that chapter begins, however, is awesome!!
Do you now believe? Indeed the hour is coming, , yes, has now come, that you will be scattered, each to his own, and will leave Me[Jesus] alone. And yet I am not alone because the Father is with me. These things have I spoken to you , that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world!
Somehow, on those days when I am remembering my dad, when I feel alone, I am comforted by the fact that my heavenly Father will never leave me, he will always
be offering Peace, and eternal Hope.
Furthermore, and the ultimate good guy quality that I realize I received from my dear daddy was this ...he led me by the hand to the foot of the cross where he introduced me to Jesus. I decided to believe that Truth and will always be grateful for a dad that prioritized fatherhood in Him.
