Oh what a song! I am sitting alone in a random apartment, in a random city, just trusting in God's promise, knowing that what He says is what is happening. Am I a simpleton? Who goes to El Paso , Texas in the summer with a carry-on bag and a one way ticket on a fear laden flight , crying and begging Jesus for mercy and grace?
My story is always being written and oftentimes I have so much going on there is no time to unwrap my thoughts and feelings, emotions and ideas, and sort out the junk from the salvageable .
I am the kind of gal that loves to take her pile of gifts at Christmas or birthday and open each one slowly and carefully, saving the wrapping paper and folding it carefully for another package, and then think about that present. Why did someone give me this particular gift? What does it mean that they spent so much time and money and effort thinking of me , especially? Have I properly appreciated their relationship or am I too casual or too hurried in my friendship? I love the gift giving tradition just for the symbolism it represents: you are special to me , and here is the present to show it.
For instance, I received a birthday card from a sister last week, and inside was tucked a sum of cash. I not only saw the cash as a God -sent , perfectly- timed , as I was boarding -the -airplane present, but also understood that in the giving of it, my sister knew me well, knew that what I needed was cold hard cash, and that giving of it was a present worth more than the value of the dollar.
I am receiving gifts from my God this week that show me how much He loves me and my family. He has given me gifts that make my heart flutter with delight, and warm me when I shudder late at night lying alone with my fearful thoughts.
The gift of presence~ His and mine and for a young girl named Meg. These gifts I have unwrapped today in my heart and mind, and am using as confirmation of what I know to be true of my relationship with Him.
He, the God of the universe, my best friend, is ever present with me. I am theologically well trained in the Omnipresence of God, His Sovereignty, His Majesty, His Omniscience, His Goodness, His Blessed Gospel, His Love eternal. Oh, but this week, I am personally experienced in His presence day by day, minute by minute, as my sweet baby grandson struggled to take little baby breaths, one at a time, second by second. I have been certain that not only was God breathing with him in his little bed, but with me as I could not be near him, with his other grandma so many miles away. He was with my other sweet [eleven!] grandchildren living and playing in Pennsylvania, Delaware and South Carolina. He was present with every single hurting , terrified friend and family member of dear Rachel and Aric. Omnipresent, present everywhere, bringing comfort and kindness and grace enabling us for waiting, praying and breathing ourselves, day by day.
The gift of my presence here has been given to me. I have never been so thankful for something I despise so intensely as the airplanes that brought me hundreds of miles in very few hours. I hate flying, not 'don't like it' as one hears in every sector - I hate it. There is not one single thing I trust about that silver cylinder that reminds me of a gas can sitting sideways in the sky. I don't even know the name of the men sitting in the cockpit and controlling my destiny as I squish myself into a seat that I couldn't get out of quickly if there ever was a need to use the Emergency Exits strategically placed at 2 locations on the airplane. Good grief, I'd die just trying to unlock that crazy seat belt that does NOT unclip as easily as that other nameless person tells us with a smile!
Well, I got off track there, didn't I? Besides reading my run-on sentences, did you understand how thankful I am that God used my Biggest Fear to accomplish and meet my Biggest Need? Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me...is NOT just words n a familiar song. It is my heart cry today as I sit here with the beautiful, tangible, wonderful gift of waiting for Rachel and Aric to come home for dinner from seeing their son, Theodore. He's that baby that is breathing nicely on his own, lying in his mother's arms right now as she adjusts her schedule to his new feeding schedule.
The presence of Rachel's friend Meg is my third gift received thankfully this week. One can never assume that life is just happenstance (hey that is a word!) when one believes in a Living , Loving, Lovely God. Meg lives far away on the East Coast and came for a perfectly timed visit to see her buddy Rach as she awaited the birth of her firstborn, who turns out to be firstborn son. During L & D our friend texted at appropriate times, reminding me that modern technology isn't completely dooming the universe.....yet. She also became my lifeline to calm as we talked and cried and prayed for our common cause of anguish: Teddy, his mom and his dad. The gift of the person perfect for the situation is incredibly a God ordained and scheduled happening. In order for you to understand what I am referring to, allow me to share something from my life of sad Sue stories , when a horribly wrong person was near me during a crisis.
Perhaps my personal experiences crowd my Blog, but hey, that's why it's MY Blog. :-) Let me recount another chapter in Sue's Book of Trivia and Trials.
I had just miscarried a child after my firstborn son, and was needing an hospitalization for a minor procedure. Hurt, crying and confused in my youthful parenting days, I was wheeled into a room in the hospital where a young couple sat silently. Obviously we would be waiting together in this room of sadness. I introduced myself with my usual ridiculously open and friendly manner. I will never forget the words that came from that young girl's mouth. "Well we don't really like kids, and certainly don't want any, so I am here to get my tubes tied."
Still Speechless.
Meg , thankfully, will from hence forth be my personal example of perfect person to be with you during crises. She and I shared much in those L*O*N*G hours of waiting, most of which is classified and under the heading of my chapter entitled, She's my best friend for a minute. Common love and concern bound us tighter than a tick on a dog, as they say in these here parts :-)
There you have it, just a sampling of the gifts I am receiving this birthday. This birthday, June 22, 2012, happened to be that of Teddy, my 12th grandchild, my 7th grandson, and my first New Mexican grandbaby .
I have a few more that are coming to mind, but for today, I have opened enough from my pile of gifts , and I need some tacos.
It is Juaraz, Mexico across the highway, after all!
