The juncos

There is a Nor'easter bearing down on the East Coast on this post-Christmas Monday. Brrrr... is the sentiment of many warm blooded people. I am loving the cold turn of events, since my upstate New York blood thrives in the white stuff. There is white blowing snow and winds whipping around, causing my 3 wind chimes to dance with delight!

The storm began last evening and I admit to being a bit concerned as I did have a couple of kids unaccounted for, and one threatening an ER visit. Thankfully, I was pretty sure my NEW heating system would be carrying me through this storm warmly :-) !

I tromped out to the back porch and saw the cutest little junco eating daintily the seeds I'd placed out earlier in the day. I knew he would be hungry, so threw another handful of seeds and decided to wait until morning for more.

Sure enough, at morning light there were several juncos feeding, some scratching through the snow to get their grub for the day, desperately moving aside the obstacles in their way.

In the living room, my reliable guard dog, Perfect, was relaxing from dog duty and guarding the tree. Occasionally she lifts her head and looks around, but sleeping is the mode of the moment. I am frankly not at all sure she would even wake up if a burglar entered in the front door, so being safe needs to depend on other things.

As my morning goes, I made coffee, of course, and looked off and on to the back porch where the little juncos happily fed.







 It didn't surprise me at all to see another friend had joined the meal, a squirrel who seemed oblivious to me at the window or the juncos batting at the snow all around him.

Well, suddenly, I noticed there were NO juncos, none! Not a sparrow in sight, not a movement of anyone in the trees waiting their turn at the table of good fortune. Where were the birds?

As an aside, I am a believer in watching nature for clues to life around us, knowing that God made a great natural system and paying attention is key in the wild . (I also watch Animal Planet avidly , what does that tell you?:-) )

Got my coffee, settled in for a nice cozy reading session, but thought to myself that maybe I could find a cardinal to photograph, so headed for the kitchen to peek out at the back porch.

Hear my scream? See my dash to get the camera? Notice how SMART my juncos were? Feel sorry for Mr. Squirrel? Observe that dog Perfect lay silently throughout this potential life threatening attack from a predator bigger than most even imagine?

Aric jumped up and scared her(or him) away, fortunately not before I snagged my proof. He disputes this turn of events, but hey, where are more pictures?

In less than 5 minutes I looked again at the porch, and there everyone was, eating merrily, so I knew the search for a hawk was pointless, he had gone on to better feeding grounds.

Well, that was my morning excitement.

There is a moral to my story, as usual, just ask my kids.

I am sometimes like a junco, busily feeding on all that life has to offer,  knowing that these are blessings from a kind and generous God Who loves me.

I need to be alert, to pay attention to what is happening around me. Sometimes just sitting and watching me there is an Enemy as large as that hawk, ready to settle in and surprise me . I want to be aware of his presence and leave the aimless eating mode when he is around. I want to be far from his talons. Unlike my dog named Perfect, there is One Who is Perfect, and He is watching, ever alert and ever able to guard me with no trouble, because He loves me. His name is Jesus.

Merry Christmas. I love Jesus. I love my birds.

Simply Thank You GOD.

One of the things I like to do is reflect on life within and around me, as anyone who has read my blogs knows. Hey, that's why I write a blog!

The last blog I wrote completely in my head (an unusual thing for me , I prefer writing as I think ) and it never ended up as a blog posting. It was good too, believe me :-) !It had been about Thanksgiving and there was a list and it was boring and blah, blah, blah. I wondered to myself if our thankful hearts become just a list, how thankful are we -really? Just people of God making up the random, immediate, usual stuff kind of Thanks God! obligatory task. Reminded me of cheer-leading and superficiality and I felt ungrateful.

The week since Thanksgiving has been one, however, in which my senses have been on high alert. When I wrote senses , I meant senses in a different way than hearing, seeing, smelling, touching, and tasting
sense.  I am speaking of my gratitude attitude sense. The sense of truly understanding how many good and perfect gifts are mine, just by seeing and acknowledging their existence.

Here's how the week went for me , and I am going to stream line it into the things that just jumped out at me when I was on high alert, needing to thank God in the midst of the mundane.

First of all, a young woman friend , who is almost more of a Facebook friend than a real time life friend, offered to take my Blog and practice her skills at Web something or other. I am not an internet expert, so have even forgot what it is called! I hesitated, thinking that I was fond of my own page and did this mean my creativity was ugly and unnecessary? See the struggle playing out? She offered again, and so I decided to take the plunge, let go of the reins of rights to a web designing talent I did not own, and told her my password. Less than an hour later and with no drama or flare, I was informed it was ready. Here's the thing : she made it perfectly ME, and she knows me barely at all!!!! She had my favorite dogwood tree picture(I took it ! ) and she had the Psalms and she had the scribbling illustration....and as soon as I told her how much I loved birds...there one was!

Second experience following closely behind the first was a trip to the  Conowingo Dam with my friend Jean. 'Randomly' reading about a place to observe Bald Eagles in large numbers in a newspaper article, I was determined to go see it. I even gave up meeting BFF Judy for a lunch and shopping spree, because seeing these eagles was way higher on my list ( hahahaha! get it? ). I enlisted Jean's supportive presence right after church and off we drove! I was stoked, ready for an Eagle and a burger. Well, about that cheeseburger sub, can I say that not all burgers are created equal? Enough said on that subject because the Eagle observation ahead was worth that blasted burger!

I am not kidding when I say that I could easily have stayed at this Dam sanctuary for hours! Even the Dam was beautiful and God even threw in several other birds for us to see!

My hands were numb, my heart was racing, and I was awed by these magnificent birds -my eagles. One of my favorite passages in the Bible has always been in Isaiah 40:28-31 and then verse 31 was screaming in my head- But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like Eagles...!!!! It was as if God was whispering in my ear that I too, after years of utter and complete exhaustion and discouragement, would be renewed and soar again! Oh my, a wonderfully freeing, anticipatory thought to be thankful for.

Thirdly, since I am making my own list, my daughter Julie Grace called me. Julie is my baby and she is 26 years old and the mother of Ethan, one of my 11 blessings called grandchildren. I love Julie but she is not a warm and fuzzy kind of daughter, which is also part of what makes me love her more.She needed my assistance in getting their Christmas Tree! and could she use my car and also did I want to go too??!? Words to make a lonely mother's hear warm and melt !

When I thought this week could not contain anything new, I came home to find a Lands End box on my doorstep. Now I am forgetful, I'll give you that much, but I am pretty certain I did not order anything this week from Lands End! Amazon- yes, Pottery Barn-yes, but Lands End? just to be sure I waited to open it until this morning in case one of the kids used my address as a Santa's Workshop kind of place. There inside was a package with a bow and a note for me... love from Becky! Oh my, a surprise package from Becky, my long- distance, beautiful young friend who always chooses the most perfect gifts for me! I could not wait and sneaked a look -do not tell this to my children because I am a die-hard never open anything until the exact day  kind of girl!!! It is a BAG with my initials and it is orange. SIGH. I love that she got me something that felt like nobody even could know I wanted and there it was. How is this possible, God of the hearts? I then re-wrapped it. :-)

Last night our church had a WIC (Women in the Church) Christmas Tea that I almost missed because I was so tired. Well, blast it, I am too young for missing everything because of work exhaustion! so I went. Beautiful Gift. Not just the decorations and the foods and the reminders from friend Darlinda of God's Faithfulness, but the parting warm hug from my friend Myrtle. I was out by my car, leaving and feeling like I wished I had dressed up, I wished I had done something significant, I wished I was more this and less that.....Myrtle just gave me a HUG and said " You are so beautiful and have such a smiling warm face, thank you for coming ". That was God, reminding me that my list is never ending, His love for me is undeserving , and I need to keep being on high alert because Thanksgiving is followed by Christmas - and He doesn't stop giving.

Thanksgiving Thoughts before I go shopping

Last night I considered shopping after work, since there are starting to be so many people in stores that I get in a panic when they seem to all want to shop whichever store I am in , at the same time. Used to be , says the old gal, that I loved the crowds and the confusion of Christmas shopping. Not so much anymore.

I could get off topic and start another thought here, but will stay focused and write about this morning and watching Mr. Blue Jay. It is a crisp, cool, perfectly sun filled Autumn day and I am wild about the possibilities! NO WORK for 5 days fills me with such delight I want to savor every single second, so I even got up early to have more savoring time!

Last year I didn't feed my birds, between the budget and my prioritizing , the birds made it on  number 11 of a 5 point list. This year I went and searched for a cheaper way to feed them and found some  bag of inexpensive seeds that looks like something no bird would be excited about. But hey, I am feeding them~ peck away friends!

So, as the story goes, [really love that it sounds like something exciting is being talked about with that one little clause :-) ] I made my delicious morning coffee, and decided to take a picture of a bird feeding.

 

The air was chilly, but I was determined to capture a photographic moment by being patient. As minutes rolled into almost an hour, my heart was full of gratitude to God for this chance to sit on my own back porch and just BE.  

I spied a Blue Jay! There he was just calmly sitting in the very top of the neighbor's tree!

This guy was far away, but I have a good zoom :-). As he waited, I talked to my best friend, who also happens to be God. Thanksgiving was the reason I was luxuriating in the nippy air on my back porch. How is it that I could possibly thank Him for so many things when the list is so long? Do I begin with breath and end with health? How about the job, the friends, the children and grands? Do I mention people by name? The bird would be here and gone by the time I recall everyone I love. (I am kind of a friend collector, btw)

Excuse me from my thoughts for a moment , the Blue Jay is coming closer....

 I know, he sat behind the pole on purpose, don't try to convince me he didn't.

Well, being a grateful person doesn't seem so unique, nor sufficient for Thanksgiving 2010, unless I could specify to God how much I truly thanked Him for my life, as bungled up and messy as it may be.  

Then there was the Blue Jay.

 

The Blue Jay was today's lesson on a chilled fall day. He began so far away I could barely see him. I knew by his shape and call that he was indeed a Blue jay, but until he got close enough to see better, I doubted myself and my ability to name him. 

Then I waited and he hopped down closer. As I patiently pondered his strategy, I noted he was watching me long before I was watching him! Amazing-he saw me on the porch!! Closer and closer he came to his seeds scattered around~ without apologies I scatter them on the railing so I can see the birds more easily!

Finally, he landed and I clicked, and then I couldn't stop taking pictures-he was magnificent and delightful and beautiful.

 

The more closely I saw him, the more I loved him!

Ok ....who was that my camera caught?

About that sparrow.....

Anyone who knows me and reads my rantings, knows there is a moral to my story, so here it comes!

My walk with God has been very much like my watching the Blue jay approaching. The similarities almost overwhelm me, filling me with humility and thanks.

On God's terms He drew me to Himself. As He waited and watched from His lofty, protective place, I impatiently continued to think I knew Him and His ways. I did not, I do not. By studying Him through reading what He has said about Himself and His ways, (The Bible), I am knowing Him more intimately as well as seeing His true Person more clearly. By waiting patiently, not jumping to conclusions, I know Him and His ways and can tell the differences between the true God and the one I have created in my mind or from facts gained by casual observers.

He is Beautiful! He is worth knowing better! He is Who I need to think about on Thanksgiving and every other day He allows me to know Him.

Unlike Mr. Blue Jay, God is not frightened by my presence. Unlike Mr. Blue Jay, God knows me, knows when I need Him , and thankfully, He gently, kindly helps me, even when I am at work. :-)

But for today, I want to tell people how beautiful He truly is. That is my Thanksgiving thought for 2010.

Different families, Same God

Sometimes I just feel like writing. Maybe it comes when I have nobody to talk to, or when the cat annoys me, or when the sun is streaming onto the fallen leaves and the air is chilly when I go get my newspaper from the end of the driveway. [BTW, was that a run on sentence?]

Today is busy and yesterday was busy and last week was busy and I need a break. The reason I need a break isn't because I am too tired , but rather because my head is full. On Facebook this week I alluded to it when status updating that my head was like a closet, full of stuff that needed sorting, rather than waiting for a seasonal overhaul.

The problem being, I am introspective, I suspect, and the issues of life, if properly processed, need to be thought slowly through. Most people live the life of a microwave, and I want to live life as a crockpot. When the kids were younger it was definitely a pressure cooker life style, but aren't things after age 60(did I mention I am that old?!?) supposed to be easier?

I know, a random picture, but it made me feel happy, so I inserted it :-) When you write a random blog, you can do anything you want to.

Today is a young friend's birthday. Not unusual, of course, but the fact is I miss this young person's happy smile and warm personality.

 That is exhibit B, on the far right, February 2008, Andy's birthday)

I wrote a greeting on her Facebook Wall under her assumed name, but have no idea if she will ever get it. I also have no idea how her life is , because 2 years ago she disappeared off the planet with her girlfriend. She was my son Andrew's best friend since childhood, and her MIA hit many of us hard. What would make a young , enthusiastic, vital young well loved person just leave? This question has plagued me often and today it just makes me more crazy trying to think it through. I am terrified of one of my children doing the same thing, Perhaps I am more sensitive to this than most people since in January 2002 my husband David did the same thing. Just disappeared.

Coincidentally, a new baby girl is being baptized this afternoon , her great grandfather performing the ceremony, her parents proudly participating, along with other loving family members and friends. They will be trusting God, the True, Faithful, Father of all our special babies,to be covenanting with them to bring Baby N into His Kingdom, in His time.  Does this mean she will be guaranteed entrance into the Kingdom of God? Absolutely not, and they are well aware of it. As they publicly join with their Covenant Family to ask for prayer and commitment to this task of teaching her about Jesus Christ, their young hearts will be filled with Hope and Joy and Love beyond measure. Hope that in Jesus Christ , when  Baby N is able to understand and grasp how deep the Father's love is for her, she will accept Him as her personal Savior. Joy, that He has invited them into His Kingdom and as part of His loving blessings, He has included this little girl into their tasks of jobs to do for Him- raise her in the Love of the Lord.

So, back to my Covenant Friend, Exhibit B. This girl was raised in the church, by loving parents and surrounded by youth pastors and friends and neighbors who cared. There were prayers for her throughout her entire life. I know this because I personally and fervently have prayed for her, for her salvation and safety and understanding of the Gospel .
I love her deeply, cannot imagine the pain of her parents and siblings as she stays gone. And yet.....

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. God is still in control of His Kingdom, His people, His Church and His children.

There are 3 sets of parents in my blog. The new Baby N mom and dad, waiting for the Baptism and Blessings this afternoon, trusting the past faithful covenant keeping God; my older, seasoned, hurting parents of Miss B friends , having entrusted their daughter's birthday and life to God, living now, experiencing God's grace day by day; and me, the single mom who is unpacking her closet of issues involving her children, wondering if the future will be rocky or smooth. I am also trusting God the Father of the future for His grace, His love, and His mercy to my children.

Jesus Christ, the same Yesterday, mom and dad, Today, mom and dad, and Forever, mom and dad.
amen
Now it is time to go Worship my King.

Pastor Appreciation Sunday... Month....Year

One of the most influential people in my young life, other than my own dad, was a former pastor named HJ Eckelmann. Pastor Eck, as he was called, was a headstrong man who knew the Holy Bible (aka Scripture), as well as anyone I have met since those formative years. He preached with an enthusiasm and surety that came from studying at Faith Theological Seminary, this after he acquired much knowledge in his other field - electrical engineering. His premise was that men came to faith in Jesus Christ in an intelligent way, not by stupidity and misinformation. He loved the scientific world and often had illustrations that bore that out. He personally knew and debated with Carl Sagan, along with many men of anti-God sentiments.

I appreciate that God led me before I had any choice in the matter, to a solid and sound church base that taught me the Truth. God's Word is Truth. Pastor Eck preached God's Word.

After college I had the opportunity to attend this same church with my Brasilian born and Seminary bound husband and young children for a time, and I found Eck to be still preaching the Truth, but not necessarily abiding by the whole counsel of God.  My husband and I left for Seminary ourselves so that a decision as to whether or not to stay under his ministry was taken out of our hands , again in the providence of God.

My own husband, David,  became my Pastor in following years, and we enjoyed many years of serving God and His Church together. In Scripture the passage in I Timothy, written by the apostle Paul, is key to my basis for evaluating 'goodness' in my pastor.
It reads: 1 Timothy 3:1-7 (New International Version)

1 Timothy 3

Overseers and Deacons

 ¹Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. ²Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, ³not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. ⁴He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. ⁵(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) ⁶He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. ⁷He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into t

Another version reads:

1 Timothy 3:1-7 (The Message)

1 Timothy 3

Leadership in the Church

 ^1-7If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good! But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife, cool and collected, accessible, and hospitable. He must know what he's talking about, not be overfond of wine, not pushy but gentle, not thin-skinned, not money-hungry. He must handle his own affairs well, attentive to his own children and having their respect. For if someone is unable to handle his own affairs, how can he take care of God's church? He must not be a new believer, lest the position go to his head and the Devil trip him up. Outsiders must think well of him, or else the Devil will figure out a way to lure him into his trap.

I saw this section of Scripture rather disrespected by my husband in the year 2001, as he chose to be uncommitted to his wife(me) and our children. So I left his church,even before he did.

I find myself hesitant to give accolades to pastors much, having witnessed many men failing in this area. As an older and experienced church goer, I know that men will be men, sins will defile them, and their faithfulness to God will oftentimes take a back seat to their self motivating desires.

What to do then, with Pastor Appreciation Sunday?
Gifts and cards and words of appreciation are superficial at best. A gift can be opened and used, a card can be discarded after left out for all to see for a week or so.

My last two Pastors have failed me and my family quite miserably.  A friend recently wondered aloud, after she heard more of my interesting story, how it was I stayed 'in religion' after a particularly bad part of the story about a church taking me to court when my husband abandoned us.  It really was exciting to tell her that I followed God's Son,  Jesus Christ, not religion, and He has never failed me!

Today, my church -Heritage Presbyterian Church in New Castle , Delaware- celebrated  Pastor Appreciation Month, with a luncheon. I needed to make a decision on how to show my appreciation to Dr. Rev. Doug Perkins and Rev. Glenn Evans. These two men share the pulpit and ministry.

I have known Doug for 8 years, almost the same amount of time since I left my former church. His character has been watched by me , often scrutinized, to make sure he was worthy of honor, worth listening to every Sunday morning, believable to a skeptical former Pastor's wife.
He has shown such enthusiasm and love for his Savior, Jesus Christ, that I was drawn in by this Pastor friend even when I did not want to be.

I have not known Glenn as long, our former church All Nations Fellowship  led by Doug, merged with his church about 3 years ago. What I see and hear from Glenn, however, is a genuine knowledge of and love for God's Holy Word. Glenn preaches in a manner that motivates, by Truth. He tells us what we need to hear from God's Word, not necessarily what we want to hear! His sermons are filled with real life situations and followed by Scriptural admonitions. He is warm and caring and has proven to be worthy of respect.

I have two special friends who are also Pastors and I need to say that because of their friendship and faithfulness over the years, I am able to know that God uses many people in our lives to accomplish His purposes. These men have influenced my children and I am sure of their genuineness. I appreciate you, Dave Robinette and and Bob Lacock for your servant's hearts through the years.

Finally, there is one more passage of Scripture that I feel demands attention as I thank and appreciate my Pastors and their wives. It is found in I Peter.

1 Peter 5:2-4 (New King James Version)

² Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly; ³ nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock; ⁴ and when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that does not fade away.

The best gift of all is going to be theirs, the gift will come from their Boss, Jesus Christ : the crown of Glory that will not fade away.

Sue, Sunflowers and September

Hi, it's me. Sunflower Sue.

One downside of being alone is taking self pictures that either show only the head, or some strange angle of the body. The upside is there is nobody around to make fun of you .

Yesterday was an almost autumn day, September 11, 2010 . In the United States of America there were probably very few people who did not pause and remember this day, one of similar beauty and weather, nine years ago. I had read several Facebook posts that reflected anger, some that reflected sadness, while several were patriotic and proud of being so.

My personal life story intertwines with 2001 USA history in such a way that for me, as I move forward, I can feel some of the same sadness, grieving and healing patterns that I understand Survivors of the 9/11 Tragedy to be experiencing. It was not surprising or unusual then, to see weeping and tears. The healthier people interviewed were the ones who had gone on and lived Life and forgave, rather that remain bitter and stuck in their pain.

Forward I march.
Saturday. Perfect Weather. Crisp and even cool breeze after an horrendous and hot summer. I was ready to enjoy this day, thank God for it's beauty and experience the senses, alone. Gulp. Alone.

My church friend Debbie had invited people to a gig her Jazz band was playing at in Chadds Ford, PA, a mere 20 minutes away.

 

This is Debbie.

The small town appears to be the happening place to go, [they have an annual pumpkin carving contest, for crying out loud!]and one can get lost in a crowd if a sudden panic attack hits, so I was sure this was where I needed to be.

 Please note the word Free.

There were lots and lots of people and fragrant aromas and beautiful children and strangely, something unexpected. Dogs. Lots and lots of dogs. Apparently there was a dog obedience demonstration and welcoming of dogs into the 45th annual Festival. Wow, was I glad my dog Perfect didn't hear of this, she would have been a total nag.

Where was I? Oh, my Festival experience and sensory fulfillment. The sounds of jazz were emanating from the loud speakers, the art tents were filled with gorgeous paintings and photographs, the food vendors were busy, the Colonial dress up people were acting their parts, even the lady chained to a tree for Gossip was not speaking to me!

I tasted some free samples of cheeses from a local dairy, tried a new sandwich-turkey shredded on a ciabatta roll with cole slaw and guacamole, and even sampled Indian pudding, warm with homemade whipped cream! Sitting by myself listening to the tunes was simply delightful! Who could I have explained my feelings to or conversed with that could possibly have understood ? 

After an hour, having wandered aimlessly through the artists galleries, (or otherwise known as large white tents) I decided it was time for the sunflower field I had read about.  Apparently Longwood Gardens experimented with planting a field of sunflowers, something I had only seen in Kansas and the Midwest. I was anxious to photograph it and for no other reason than I LOVE photographing things of beauty!!!!

As I approached the area there were brake lights ahead and my assumptions were correct- more people than I had read of this blooming bounty and brought their cameras along!

 I LOVED this place!!! Who knew that such a magical world existed when walking within the  borders of these bee- laden flowers?

 I was lost in my own world of thought, wandering amongst the flowers, getting close enough to photograph, far enough to steer clear of the buzzing. Thank you Creator God for this treat! It was almost as if I went to a far away land and returned, all in a 30 minute time frame. Is this time travel?

It was difficult pulling myself away, I wanted to just BE. [not BEE] Oh, speaking of that, I have a picture of a traveling Bee. Check it out!

Well, can you see it? Personally, I am impressed with that.

Leaving the sunflower field was difficult. This day had been as close to perfect as I think I have been in a really long time. I realized that it might be over and then what? Thoughts like these churn within my mind constantly and sometimes I cannot turn them off. So I asked God to take control of my mind, and could HE please change it's direction because I could not?

A funny thing then happened.
I decided to call daughter Margie since I was about 5 minutes from her home, and a grandchild sighting is perhaps a million times better than a sunflower sighting. As I was pulling out of the driveway, a man who had been impatiently waiting for his 'significant ' other to get in the car, peeled past me and SCREAMED out the window "Get off the phone!"

Guess he didn't like sunflowers. hahahahahaha! Laughter is always my best medicine!!!! Thanks God, great day!!! Sunflower Sue signing off.

On funerals and friends

There was a funeral this week and since then I have been thinking more than usual about relationships and death.

I did not know this gentleman very well, he attended my church and was always alone and friendly and blind.  I say that in the order I did because that is how I thought of him. One of the shocker things I learned at his funeral was that he was exactly my age!! Wow! is that ever a sobering fact as you contemplate life, death and the future.

I like funerals.
For that sentence alone I probably set myself apart from most people, with even some head bobbing and knowing sighs. Who likes funerals for crying out loud?

Pat was a well loved, outspoken man. He loved Jesus and considered Him his Savior. I learned that he had a neighbor he visited and loved well, who made him a part of her family, who wept silently throughout the services. I discovered his favorite Bible passages were some of mine, and included the 23rd Psalm.

Pat had 2 brothers and a church full of friends who came out on an early Wednesday morning to say good bye. My count was close to 60. These same people respected and honored him enough to wear their best clothes and sing his favorite hymns , they found time in their busy schedules to set aside time. There  were glistening eyes as the pastor gave his message.

My reflections on these things are why I like funerals.

People deserve to be remembered with tears and time. It makes me really sad when someone says, "I don't do funerals", as if by not attending we can stop death from taking life on earth away.  For me it is the ultimate token of respect and love, a kindness so easily given a friend, acquaintance, someone you wanted to know more and had not enough time granted.

When I was sitting at Pat's funeral, [or memorial service as some would say], I felt as though it were a really dark night, no stars shining, and I were walking along a lonely road. Suddenly I saw a cozy home and a window was shining warmly calling me to look inside. It was not intrusive, like a peeping Tom, but a welcoming opportunity to see inside this home and family. It was filled with love. I had never seen this particular home on my walk before, so this view was new and delightfully friendly. Surprising how each room was different than I'd imagined, the decorating complimented the owner gracefully. What a shame I never knew this owner, I hear he moved on.........

I had a baby son die when he was 9 months old, and after the pain subsided a bit, I read the guest book entries.  Comfort in a signature. That's one of the reasons I attend funerals. That, and the wonderful windows I can peer into, knowing my presence in the dark night will somehow be more important than any other road that day I might have chosen.

Wedding Anniversaries, not mine.

The occasion of my children's wedding anniversaries always makes me want to send them the perfect greeting.

I want to send them the perfect card.
I want to send them the perfect thoughts and sentiments.
I want to celebrate and remember their love and adoration for each other on each of their wedding dates.
I want to give them a perfect gift.

Thus far there is March 3, July 31, August 14 and August 28 in anniversaries from our family. There was a 9 year and then there are two 6 years and also an 11 year celebration.

Perhaps, upon closer examination, the reasons for my desires being so strong within me to commemorate their happy times well, lie partially in the fact that my own marriage did not survive the long haul. Perhaps I can say something or impress some words of wisdom from my own personal experiences to diminish the pitfalls that are strewn along the path of marriage like sinkholes that follow rainstorms and out of nowhere swallow up the earth around them.

Perhaps their joys are so delightful and fresh that I can borrow some of that happiness and tuck it under my pillow at night and dream happy dreams rather than some of the sad ones that invade my unconscious mind.

I found a picture (no surprise there!) that depicts what I want to say this year.

Do you see the little house at the end of that pier?
[ Let's say that is the marriage home. ]

This pier is in Ocean City, New Jersey and we saw this every single year for several decades as we took our family on our annual vacation trek. The 59th street pier became more and more battered and increasingly decayed. The locals had an ongoing discussion of the need to repair and stabilize this pier. Some thought the monies would be worthwhile spent here, others argued that the city should just let it fall down and wash away, using the money for tourist attractions or sand replenishment projects.

In the meantime, the ocean kept bashing it, waves crashing underneath,  the storms insidiously worked their magic at the under pilings and the house became less fortified. It slowly became less able to handle the stresses and less attractive to onlookers. Certainly the original purpose, giving fishermen a place to protect themselves from the stormy weather, was no longer a possibility. This structure could house nothing well, unless it was a seagull wanting to rest for a weary moment.

I took pictures of this pier every single year. Strange , isn't it? I know if I had the time to search through the thousands of photos in my home I could locate the deterioration of the house on the pier. It would never be obvious from one year to the next. Our family would chatter about who remembered what phase the process was in, whether there was or was not a certain board in place , side on straight.

But alas, eventually there was no argument. Last summer when I went for a day trip to Ocean City, no longer part of the happy, carefree family vacationing unit, I discovered the sad truth of time and neglect.
The house is completely gone. I still miss seeing it there, stately and sure, a haven for a weary fisherman, a place where I got my bearings as I surveyed the coastline.

What about marriage then?

A marriage must be maintained. There are so many different kinds of storms that will bombard it. There are waves that will crash and try to knock the pilings down. There will be Hurricanes, Blizzards! Tornadoes! Monsoons! in your families!

One can easily be lulled into thinking all days are like the hot , lazy , mild mannered days of summer. Nothing but calm seas ahead, gentle waves lapping against the piers. In my 60 years of living in this world,however, I have never seen a marriage where the seas were calm every day, every year.

There will be a death, an illness, a hospitalization, an angry child, no children,  too many children, a sick child, a nasty neighbor, a stupid co-worker, an annoying friend, a church that reminds you of a childhood struggle, a nagging parent, no parent, no money, too much money, words you cannot recall, words you should have spoken, hugs you should have given, humility you should have shown. These are inevitable.

I just went to the dictionary to check out something-what is inevitable? Unavoidable, sure to happen, bound to occur, inescapable,commonplace, typical. Wow.
(That describes the list , not the marriage!!)

Had the city of Ocean City, NJ decided to  put a priority on maintaining the little 59th street Pier and house, the problem would have been solved. The entire attitude would have been different. No spring would pass without rebuilding winter damage, no storm would flail without shoring underneath the structure, not a board would drop into the sea without someone pounding in a replacement. Damage would have been repaired as it was done, not just pondered for years or argued about purposelessly.

Your marriages can be strong and vital and secure from those inevitable storms of life!
Your house can be standing firmly for decade upon decade so that your children's children(who do appear rather quickly!) can weather their storms within your marital structure!

Maintenance, my dear children. Maintenance.

Another Noteworthy Graduation

The days have been speeding by since my oldest son, Paul David, graduated from Law School.

It has already been a month and over the last month so much has happened that I fear it all gets mixed up in my brain like fruit cocktail. I know, such an odd comparison, isn't it? It isn't that fruit cocktail is bad, but each fruit is so tasty separately and then someone had this brilliant idea of throwing them all together in small pieces and adding a bit of sugar and voila! the individual goodness is gone and replaced by the mass mixture.

Very similar to my life over the last month: I turned 60,  my son graduated from Law School, my brother in law visited from Brasil, my nephew rekindled our family closeness, The World Cup, summer began and friendships changed. In a week, another sister- in- law arrives with her husband from Brasil ( my same former husband , same family)

so the slow down isn't here just yet.

Paul has accomplished much in his life and as I reflected on what to say to him in his scrapbook I am finishing of graduation(shhh, it's a surprise!), it occurred to me how important it is to specifically think through what it is you are proud of when commending your children. I think that this is no matter how old they are, how  unworthy you feel, how young they appear, or how small or large the celebration and moment.

Paul is a fine man , graduate of the Air Force Academy, former military officer, having attained the rank of Major, served in Italy,  Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Panama, and even Texas. He was good at his job, I could tell, and  am not just saying that because I am his mom.

Paul was always good at whatever he determined to do, from collecting coins, to writing papers and giving speeches. Of course he was a valued member of our armed services!

His graduation from the Air Force Academy was one of the highlights of his earlier years, and my favorite part was watching as his hat flew high into the air, signifying the end of being a cadet on that beautiful day in May of 1996 , my husband's and my 25th wedding anniversary. Beautiful Moment!!

So it was not with any trepidation that I listened when he unfolded his plans and career change, deciding to go into Law School. Surely he would succeed, just as he always had. The fact that he had a wife now and newborn twin daughters just made it more challenging. He is not afraid of hard work, he is determined, he is one of the smartest men I know, he is a man of faith, he would do well.

This is a picture of the family when he began school, Allison working as much as she could, the girls not pausing from growing and giggling as he studied.

While in school Paul was chosen to be on the Campbell Law Review team, and also among other accomplishments, he entered a  trial team competition and won the award for Best Closing Remarks. Of course, since I raised him, oh so many years ago, it was not with any degree of surprise that I heard that he won this particular award! He won every argument we ever had easily and handily, throughout his childhood, always being careful to show respect as he debated with Mom.

 Family is important to us, so as many as possible decided to attend and support the graduation of Paul in May this year. Tio Xilo and son Pedro arrived from Brasil, sister Rachel flew in from New Mexico, sisters Becca and Margie with their entire families, and brother Andrew and myself all descended on Fuquay-Varina , North Carolina. We were all pleasantly surprised to hear he was graduating Cum Laude and ranking  5th in his graduating class!! We had a BLAST being together!!! Allison's parents came and so did Paul's grandma from Tennessee. I was beaming with pride and adoration through it all.

Why am I proud of Paul?
How can I properly express a heart full of words on a simple reflective blog, then transfer it to his scrapbook? Such a daunting task, yet a simple one too.

I am happy he is going to be a Lawyer and fully expect his success in that field. I was happy he graduated from the Air Force Academy, became a Major, changed careers and pursued another goal. I am happy he studied well and graduated high in his class.

However, my pride in Paul is based on his relationships with his wife and children, now numbering three. Paul's faithfulness in fatherhood over the length of his years on earth will continue to cause me deep pride and joy.  My pride in Paul has a direct connection with his fear of God, his commitment to Jesus Christ, and his pursuit of righteousness as he ages. I am thankful every single day that Paul is guided by God into His Kingdom and that Paul upholds the Laws of God first and foremost.

Simply stated, I am proud to be Paul's mom. I love him.

Just thinking.....

Sometimes a perfectly odd feeling overtakes me and I sit at the computer and want to blog. No reason that I can identify, just a need to sort out my thoughts and mind and it results in a blogging session. I suppose the Blog Time could be similar to someone coming home, sitting down with a cup of coffee with a spouse, and reviewing things.

When the kids were growing up, our family had this incredibly hilarious habit of stopping whatever we were doing after a party, dinner, gathering or visit from friends, and 'reviewing' in our own language,using our own grading system and without other people present. Kind of like a Report card by Ribeiro. If a friend was over they rarely were included, but as soon as they left, out came the heads and in came the comments.

"Did you like the interactions between _____ and ____?", "How about that dress she wore?" '" Was there enough food?" (this one was my normal inquiry!)"I think next time less veggies and more drinks", "Can you believe she brought such and so who wasn't even invited?!" Well, you get the idea, just a little bit of gossip and gab thrown into the Ribeiro blender and sorted out and served amongst ourselves. It seemed so normal and non -threatening , certainly not critical or mean, just fun and distinctively our own.

I think that is what I miss the most about the girls leaving to begin their own homes and families. The Gab Sessions After the Events . I went to the last day of school for the year meeting today and am dying to talk about the ridiculously unimportant things. But alas, none to gab with and the need to ready for the next activity, taking care of Ethan.

I have been chatting with God alot about this weather, the beauty of His creation, the need to just love the moment and live in it, as opposed to wishing for something else and looking forward to the next acceptably fun event. Even this week I was thinking about going away and getting a break from the routine and almost missed appreciating the beautiful time the family was having being together at the beach in Ocean City.

The skies were beautiful, the family all happy to be together at the ocean, the Mack 'n Manco still the best boardwalk pizza around.....

What a blessing that was , restoring me for a day.

As I was writing this, Ethan dashed by me with a box of chalk "uncaJosh' gave him, for the driveway, smiling as if he had been given a million dollars. I pray he stays excited about the little things.

 

Becca called with a quick inquiry as to how to preheat an oven already overheated. We decided the off and back on system would work best, chatted a few more minutes and bid each other a fun afternoon doing very different activities.

You see how my mind goes?

I had begun this blog to write my thoughts about son Paul graduating from Law School recently. Between work, grandsons, sons showing me resumes, beginnings of making an empty garage , eating some lunch(I did make a tasty chicken the other evening :-) ) and a phone call, I am done with the great Blog.