One of the more commonly heard adages I share with a certain young son of mine is : "Just because you think it in your head, and are convinced it is true, does NOT make it THE TRUTH!"
The 'practice what you preach' irony reverberates loudly in my own head as this week begins, making me need to sort out fact from fiction. My head is dancing with life events to be sorted, dates remembered and some forgotten in my messed up mind.
To know me is to know I have a horrible memory!! I am not sure why this is, but I eliminated a long time ago the possibility of abuse in my childhood , one of the major causes of forgetfulness. I had a marvelous childhood(thanks mom and dad!). Guess it's a quirk of nature.
So, as the week began, very early in the morning from somewhere deep in the recesses of my brain ,was the knowledge that THIS week was THE BAD ONE. In spite of my horrible memory, I remember well, without assistance from my calendar, all dates of significance.
Call it a gift. Call it crazy. Call it whatever you want , but that is a fact and can be documented by witnesses of this amazing memory. How many friends and family receive cards and notes from me on their special occasions, some they have even forgotten! Like the time I sent my mom a note on the anniversary of her mom's(my grandma's)death and mom saying "oh I knew it was near here but never remember the date".
Back to my mind, and this week. On this particular last week in January week several anniversaries loom as being bad memories.
Our son , Daniel Mark, died as an infant in 1984. He was 9 months old and just died.
A few years later, my previously mentioned grandma died. In 2002, my father-in-law died, quickly followed by my husband returning abruptly and completely to his home country, never to be heard from again. I think of that bizarre instance as a death. Particularly since we were married, happily, for 3o years prior.
God, being my Saviour and friend, helped me cope with all of those losses , quite amazingly, by grace and faith and friends and time. They did however, translate into my mind as part of a death week memory and label, always to be dreaded, feared and tolerated.
Well, part of my own personal journey of healing and health this Year of Jubilee! 2008!, is to rethink all dark ,scary places from the past and reintroduce the Light that I know should be there, rather than darkness.
I opened up my datebook and to my wonderful surprise! discovered a plethora of exciting, wonderful memories tucked in behind the others. I guess they were crowded out by my thoughts rather than the TRUTH, claiming a spot that should have been reserved for THE TRUTH. It seems daughter Margie and wonderful son-in-law Joel were engaged to be married this week! Well, for crying out loud, this is the marriage resulting in 5 lovely, lively, grandchildren!! How could I have forgotten that?? I also see my sister-in-law and brother- in- law were married 43 years ago! Oh look, a dear friend was born! My goodness, my cousin Jo was born! Best yet, my own precious baby son , now close to 20 years of age, was legally adopted this week 19 years ago! How could that joy be hidden behind the curtains of selective, sad memories?
Just because I think it, does NOT mean it is Truth. I learned many years ago another very wise adage. God's Word is TRUTH. Nothing else should take a place of such prominence in my mind, even my selective memories. Or especially my selective memories!
I need to go now, I have to send Margie and Joel a card telling them how thrilled I am that they were engaged 9 years ago. Maybe I'll go shopping and get Andy a present just so he knows how important his adoption was to me, and wouldn't it be fun to write to my husband and tell him I am OK that he left because now, after 6 years of sadness, I am able to embrace this year? OK, maybe not . I think I need more grace from God for that!
