What a Week!

I repeat, what a week!

It began in the middle of an ordinary spring week, cool evenings, warming daytime temps, promising a flower-filled Spring.

I received an email asking for prayer for a dying friend. Steve was 51 and was not dying the last time I encountered him late last Fall. We had both been at the same lawyer's office for a free consultation regarding our sons' latest escapades, and we mutually agreed we were getting too old, too fast.How could he be in renal failure and at death's door?? So I prayed for God's strength for all his sons and his wife, as well as healing should God allow. God's choice was death and so we grieve this too young father. At almost the same moment in time, I received another email, sharing the good news of my daughter's new niece arriving in wonderfully great health! I again prayed, asking God for continued grace and blessings on this very new almost family. Death and life intertwined.

On Thursday, my grandson Eliot, the oldest,first one of the wonderful ten,became 7 years old and we celebrated with a chihuahua party(as only a 7 year old can!)! Along with that particularly fun celebration we included the 2nd birthday milestone of Ethan, our Cinco de Mayo baby of daughter Julie. Oh my, what a party!!Who hasn't a fond memory of a 'pin-the-hat on the something 'game??(Yes, it was a chihuahua...)?or an appetizer labeled dog poop, when in fact it was chocolate covered raisins?(Ok, maybe this one isn't so common, I'll give you that)


Eliot's birth was so joyous and exciting , the intiation of my husabnd and I into the world of grandparenting. It is, I soon discovered, the best kept secret of aging, and I am so thrilled that I am in the Club!!We don't all wear Red hats or dress in Purple, but we do all carry wallets filled with photos and a story to match anybody else's who is bragging....

On the day my first grandson came home from the hospital, my only daddy went home to Heaven, suddenly and without warning after a brief phone call to me telling me how thrilled he was in becoming a great grandfather. Seven years later and I still cried this afternoon as I thought about him and how he took me fishing at a place I am not even sure exists anymore when I was oh- so- young-and-innocent. I still miss him so much. Life and Death interwoven.

In spite of(or was it because of??) the sadnesses mixed with the happinesses, I chose to visit Ocean City NJ yesterday with daughter Becca and her twin 18 month old babies! They had never seen the OCEAN and the wonder of that experience was one I eagerly anticipated as we drove to south Jersey merrily singing along to baby music.



Perhaps not too beneath the surface of my emotionally charged mind, was the birthday memory of another set of twins 24 years earlier on April 30th. Ben and brother Simon were born and shortly thereafter raised by 2 different mothers, but loved by both, even countries and oceans apart. The paths of these mothers crossed, and by God's divine design, the women are now friends. Brother Benjamin, however, our precious Benny, died about 18 months ago. His birthday is but a reminder to those of us who knew him, that truly God is the Creator of mankind, giver and taker of life. Life and Death separating.

My blog name is appropriately named, since I really have nothing more profound to say than my own observations, scribblings, and feelings... and yet, sometimes, I wonder...without knowing God , how do people handle this kind of week?

Two Sides to EVERY story

One of the more commonly heard adages I share with a certain young son of mine is : "Just because you think it in your head, and are convinced it is true, does NOT make it THE TRUTH!"

The 'practice what you preach' irony reverberates loudly in my own head as this week begins, making me need to sort out fact from fiction. My head is dancing with life events to be sorted, dates remembered and some forgotten in my messed up mind.

To know me is to know I have a horrible memory!! I am not sure why this is, but I eliminated a long time ago the possibility of abuse in my childhood , one of the major causes of forgetfulness. I had a marvelous childhood(thanks mom and dad!). Guess it's a quirk of nature.

So, as the week began, very early in the morning from somewhere deep in the recesses of my brain ,was the knowledge that THIS week was THE BAD ONE. In spite of my horrible memory, I remember well, without assistance from my calendar, all dates of significance.

Call it a gift. Call it crazy. Call it whatever you want , but that is a fact and can be documented by witnesses of this amazing memory. How many friends and family receive cards and notes from me on their special occasions, some they have even forgotten! Like the time I sent my mom a note on the anniversary of her mom's(my grandma's)death and mom saying "oh I knew it was near here but never remember the date".

Back to my mind, and this week. On this particular last week in January week several anniversaries loom as being bad memories.

Our son , Daniel Mark, died as an infant in 1984. He was 9 months old and just died.

A few years later, my previously mentioned grandma died. In 2002, my father-in-law died, quickly followed by my husband returning abruptly and completely to his home country, never to be heard from again. I think of that bizarre instance as a death. Particularly since we were married, happily, for 3o years prior.

God, being my Saviour and friend, helped me cope with all of those losses , quite amazingly, by grace and faith and friends and time. They did however, translate into my mind as part of a death week memory and label, always to be dreaded, feared and tolerated.

Well, part of my own personal journey of healing and health this Year of Jubilee! 2008!, is to rethink all dark ,scary places from the past and reintroduce the Light that I know should be there, rather than darkness.

I opened up my datebook and to my wonderful surprise! discovered a plethora of exciting, wonderful memories tucked in behind the others. I guess they were crowded out by my thoughts rather than the TRUTH, claiming a spot that should have been reserved for THE TRUTH. It seems daughter Margie and wonderful son-in-law Joel were engaged to be married this week! Well, for crying out loud, this is the marriage resulting in 5 lovely, lively, grandchildren!! How could I have forgotten that?? I also see my sister-in-law and brother- in- law were married 43 years ago! Oh look, a dear friend was born! My goodness, my cousin Jo was born! Best yet, my own precious baby son , now close to 20 years of age, was legally adopted this week 19 years ago! How could that joy be hidden behind the curtains of selective, sad memories?

Just because I think it, does NOT mean it is Truth. I learned many years ago another very wise adage. God's Word is TRUTH. Nothing else should take a place of such prominence in my mind, even my selective memories. Or especially my selective memories!

I need to go now, I have to send Margie and Joel a card telling them how thrilled I am that they were engaged 9 years ago. Maybe I'll go shopping and get Andy a present just so he knows how important his adoption was to me, and wouldn't it be fun to write to my husband and tell him I am OK that he left because now, after 6 years of sadness, I am able to embrace this year? OK, maybe not . I think I need more grace from God for that!