Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Psalm 94:18, 19


If I say, "My foot slips," Your mercy, oh Lord, will hold me up. In the multitude of anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.

There is a little chorus we used to sing at church exclaiming that if people didn't sing praises to the Lord, the stones would cry out!(or maybe it was rocks, I forget). I was shouting out in such relief and utter thankfulness to God Himself last night, that I awoke this morning still wondering how I could keep the evidence of His personal love for me all to myself?! I even think I heard some little rocks in my garden starting to chatter among themselves....

One of my spiritual milestones this year of 2008 was my declared personal Year of Jubilee. My children all know of its occurence and celebrated early with me at Christmas by presenting me with a BEAUTIFUL scrapbook. This scrapbook, so personal and special, had entries by each of the 7 'originals' and the 4 married members.It was a celebration of ME (amazing, yet true)and how I am special and unique alone, no husband,no marriage, nobody else, just ME. They actually helped me even think about how I was unique and specially created by God as I am, not who I thought I was dependent on.

In my Year of Jubilee I have shed the fetters of fear and sadness, and taken on a positive, faith- filled approach to daily happenings. Now happenings is not quite the right word, but does one write the word CRAP in a blog? Hmmm, not very refined.

If you recall, I flew on the first of the year to initiate my new attitude and New Year. The previously held flying phobia had consumed 25 years of my life and the spell was broken! I am free of that hindrance.

When my husband left our home, family and country 7 years ago, my foot slipped, and albeit a long 6 years of crying and tears, God has held me up and comforted me quite wonderfully, as the Psalmist declares. Feet slipping is not equal to falling into the abyss, it is just a temporary condition until the footing is re-established.

Back to my story of last night and God loving me. I had done my taxes on the computer ...grrrr... and the mess 'we' created, this 'tax expert for free' and I , was silly, avoidable and frustrating. All because I hate thinking about taxes, another reminder of my husband's abandonment. Well, I was told I owed money, and since I hardly make any money, this was impossible. So I prayed and stewed and my foot began slipping with fear and negativity.Where would I get money to pay taxes, how would I last through the summer and until my new full time job began?(Oh now that is another great story for another day!!)

Then I saw an ad for free tax help in my local community center. I left work at
5:30 pm DETERMINED to fix this mess, be bold and not crumble in tears. I sat, alone and nervous with God as my only companion. He and I chatted. I laid out to Him in no uncertain terms that I could not possibly handle this crisis, hadn't I already handled enough? We waited until 8 pm.and I was called into a room filled with exhausted volunteers, ready to go home, computers humming and tempers short.I was terrrifed. I was also scolded, lectured and basically humbled even more. I am not a tax expert and I am not brave. I am dependent on God's mercy and man's help when I am stuck.

DONE! COMPLETED! Copies printed out, instructions in hand for next year, refund coming, nothing due, last customer out the door was ME, and I was exhausted, relieved and mercifully comforted.

God delighted my soul. Has your SOUL ever been delighted? If it has, you know of what I am speaking. If it has not been, or perhaps you have not recently experienced the feeling, then I assure you- when it is, the ROCKS will indeed cry out if you do not.

Our God is an awesome God.

1 comment:

Timmers said...

Hezekiah 57:47 says, "and thou shalt findest money when thou thought thou owedest caesar, and the rejoicing of thy soul surely shalt cause thee to dispatch a messenger to thy brother in need, as if thou haddest paid what thou thoughtest thou owedest, thou would have been without thine increase." I am not sure what this verse means, as I am not a Bible scholar, but it seems to have something to do with taxes and such. I am kidding of course, and am very happy for you. I also thought the 57:47 was a nice touch....get it?