Her name is Apryl. Yes, spelled exactly as it is written-Apryl. As if spelling the name correctly is mandatory to knowing her well. Anyone with a cat knows her. And besides, who needs to know the spelling of a cat's name ? Good grief, she's a cat, not a famous novelist! Well, 7 years ago, when Miss Apryl was given to Miss Julie(young 16 year old daughter having been recently traumatized by leaving of father from family home)as a compensatory gift(Ok that is another whole story, trust me)Julie insisted vehemently that the spelling be "Apryl, not April Mom". Only it is pronounced Mah-ummm.[insert heavy sigh]
I do not like cats. I am not a cat lover. I am a cat owner, by default this time. My kitten Kelly in college was an exception to the cat lover comment, she was adorable! All orange and white and full of vim and vinegar, jumping carelessly into the toilet as someone flushed it and barely escaping with her life on many occasions....oh, sorry, I digress.
Apryl is so annoying. She is totally in charge of me and I resent it daily. I awaken in the early morning to a cleverly placed paw on my chest with just the simplest prodding of a claw. I jump awake, startled and in pain, and she is just lying there looking at me , so innocently as if she hadn't just awakened me in pain. She wants to go outside. It is time. I either get up, stumble down the stairs and let her outside , or I endure countless proddings , like a cowboy prodding his cattle, moving them along to where he wants them to go.
After she has investigated the outside community, say , in 5 minutes or less, she is batting this very same paw at the window that I am sitting next to. This she does quite loudly until I get up and let her back inside. Move chairs, you say? Believe me when I say it does not matter what chair I am in, Apryl finds me and annoys me there.
As she enters the house, she pauses, looks up at me with disdain(I KNOW disdain when I see it)
and meows over and over while looking for the back of whatever chair I am sitting in, to determine if it has been cleared of obstacles for her highness.
Apryl also feels it neccessary to rub against anyone she thinks is a friend. I think perhaps she has a sixth sense of who actually hates her or is allergic to her, because they are especially chosen to receive her longest and most luxurious visits! I say " just hit her off you!" and I do mean this....but kindness and foolishness are often intertwined, and she is usually left to use the person's finest clothing for her brushing post. Why are people so nice?
There is one aspect of Apryl's life that amuses me endlessly. She is the BEST guard cat in the entire neighborhood! Should a strange car, or person , or even mailman walk anywhere near the house, Apryl jumps to the windowsill and starts low grumblings in her throat. She does NOT appreciate uninvited strangers! I can look at her and immediately know if I should get up and investigate a noise or feeling . I think this is why she is still here, nightly driving me crazy as she winds her body carefully around my legs, waiting for me to settle in so she can get comfortable. I cannot possible afford Shloemin Shield.
Another pet peeve(get it?) is her bathroom issues. If her litter needs changing-oh my. I hear about it! I am treated to wild clawings in the middle of the night, over and over until I either change the litter or threaten her with death.She believes me, too.
Well, I would like to write more about Apryl, my default cat, but she is meowing at me, and my show is about to start on TV and if I ignore her, I will pay later.
Anyone need a guard-cat? Oh, a dog is preferred? I have one of those too. Perfect's story, another day.
I do not like cats. I am not a cat lover. I am a cat owner, by default this time. My kitten Kelly in college was an exception to the cat lover comment, she was adorable! All orange and white and full of vim and vinegar, jumping carelessly into the toilet as someone flushed it and barely escaping with her life on many occasions....oh, sorry, I digress.
Apryl is so annoying. She is totally in charge of me and I resent it daily. I awaken in the early morning to a cleverly placed paw on my chest with just the simplest prodding of a claw. I jump awake, startled and in pain, and she is just lying there looking at me , so innocently as if she hadn't just awakened me in pain. She wants to go outside. It is time. I either get up, stumble down the stairs and let her outside , or I endure countless proddings , like a cowboy prodding his cattle, moving them along to where he wants them to go.
After she has investigated the outside community, say , in 5 minutes or less, she is batting this very same paw at the window that I am sitting next to. This she does quite loudly until I get up and let her back inside. Move chairs, you say? Believe me when I say it does not matter what chair I am in, Apryl finds me and annoys me there.
As she enters the house, she pauses, looks up at me with disdain(I KNOW disdain when I see it)
and meows over and over while looking for the back of whatever chair I am sitting in, to determine if it has been cleared of obstacles for her highness.
Apryl also feels it neccessary to rub against anyone she thinks is a friend. I think perhaps she has a sixth sense of who actually hates her or is allergic to her, because they are especially chosen to receive her longest and most luxurious visits! I say " just hit her off you!" and I do mean this....but kindness and foolishness are often intertwined, and she is usually left to use the person's finest clothing for her brushing post. Why are people so nice?
There is one aspect of Apryl's life that amuses me endlessly. She is the BEST guard cat in the entire neighborhood! Should a strange car, or person , or even mailman walk anywhere near the house, Apryl jumps to the windowsill and starts low grumblings in her throat. She does NOT appreciate uninvited strangers! I can look at her and immediately know if I should get up and investigate a noise or feeling . I think this is why she is still here, nightly driving me crazy as she winds her body carefully around my legs, waiting for me to settle in so she can get comfortable. I cannot possible afford Shloemin Shield.
Another pet peeve(get it?) is her bathroom issues. If her litter needs changing-oh my. I hear about it! I am treated to wild clawings in the middle of the night, over and over until I either change the litter or threaten her with death.She believes me, too.
Well, I would like to write more about Apryl, my default cat, but she is meowing at me, and my show is about to start on TV and if I ignore her, I will pay later.
Anyone need a guard-cat? Oh, a dog is preferred? I have one of those too. Perfect's story, another day.
1 comment:
You hate cats? You don't HAVE a cat, you have two dogs. One is stuck in a cats body. I love my cat and would not trade her for any dog. Quiet, mink like fur, declawed all 4, eats cheap dry food and NEVER sets a paw outside. She has never awakened me for anything, but waits patiently on the floor by my bedside until she hears me stir. Then she jumps up and meows once, to let me know she is ready to be petted. Sorry 4 yer luck!
Oh yes, the name is quite important. My blue Russian is Zoya.
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